We're having to whisper this story from Perth Western Australia, as none of us is safe. The city has been taken over by police and military to make sure nobody lobs a meat pie at Her Majesty who's here for the CHOGM piss-up of unknown, backward Commo...
In breaking news, Julia Gillard the Australian Prime Minister has caused international furor by first refusing to curtsey to the Queen and then accidentally sitting on the Queen's face. The face-sitting incident happened at a dinner for Her Maj in...
Following the fatal attack on an American tourist by a Great White shark this week, the Western Australian government has legalized hunting and killing the type of Great Whites that pose a threat to human life. Camomile Aborhugger, a one-legged, a...
All over Australia people are breathing giant "ho hums" at the prospect of Her Maj visiting our mighty shores this week. The main reason for the visit, apart from getting some sunlight on her translucent Brit skin, is to attend the Commonwealth Heads...
Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard and her partner Tim Mathieson have been evicted from The Lodge, their official residence in Canberra, after hosting a rave party that got out of control causing millions of dollars of damage. "Me and Tim was...
Buckingham Palace has just issued a statement that Her Majesty The Queen intends to abdicate from the royal throne and to emigrate to Australia. Royal Press Secretary Sir James Faversham-Gainsborough-Kizzmeyarrz read the following statement prepared by Her Maj: Philip and I have decided to stand aside and give our son Charles the opportunity to rule the British Empire. We've waited this long in...
Sydney, Taronga Zoo - The famous Funnel Spider, the world's most poisonous spider, has been behaving so aggressively that two regular handlers have been bitten and evacuated to receive anti-venom treatment. Zoo officials have had to call in an outsid...
In a last ditch effort to save her "Swap an Illegal" deal with Malaysia, Australian Prime Minister Julia Gillard has appointed Chopper Reid as Australia's Ambassador to the United Nations. This morning Chopper addressed the Security Council in...
The Australian Federal Government is asking everyone to pretend it's going to be OK to send asylum seekers who land illegally in Australia to Malaysia for processing. Australian Immigration Minister Chris Bowen said today: "Look, we know everyone...
In response to a worsening outlook for the Australian housing industry, the Australian PM Julia Gillard, has proposed the Bonox stimulus to give the industry a bit of a lift. The Hogs In Armchairs (HIA), the peak non-profit housing charity that bu...
Paul Stephens from the Australian Education Union has put adamant amounts of research into parental influence on children and from this, states 'It is impossible for a school student to pass the HSC with parental influence and it should be banned.'...
Australian historians are cock a hoop after finding the head of Ozzie crime lord Ned Kelly. Kelly, a bank robber, was executed a few years ago and the dumb bastards that ran that country lost his head. That is, until it turned up in a kiwi farm la...
Australia - Some ossified remains of Australia's most infamous wild dog are involved in a mix up over Ned Kelly's DNA. Misdiagnosis by geneticists had identified them as the missing link to the outlaw's descendants, whose genome they are said to r...
The Australian city of Melbourne has beaten Canada's Vancouver to the title of world's most Australian city for the first time in almost a decade. Vancouver has topped the annual Global Most Australian City Survey since 2002, but this year fell t...
Adam Scott the affable Aussie and New Zealand caddie Stevie Williams put "paid" to Tiger Woods' come back hopes as the dynamic duo blew away the field in Akron, Ohio with a 4 stroke victory that was never in doubt! A confidant Scott, appearin...
In an effort to compete with the Russian space program, Australian prime minister, Julia Gillard has announced that Australia will ramp up their current space program. The world's initial reaction to Australia's announcement was: "I had no fuck...
Recent crop circles discovered in the Australian outback are not being made by stoned Aborigines going walkabout as originally thought. They are actually being created by stoned wallabies who love to chew poppies it seems. This is the official gov...
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