England training will be a little unusual this week as head coach Capello wants them to play a five-a-side mini-tournament against dwarfs! He's called in four five-a-side dwarf teams to make it an eight team tournament. It's thought the defence w...
Fifa President and self appointed ruler of football Slap (me on the head) Blatter won't back down in the poppy scandal. The man who should be at home smoking a pipe and wearing slippers won't listen to anyone on the matter. "You want to wear lit...
Queens Park Rangers Football club may be moving to Heathrow airport if plans go ahead. The airport authority plan to sell off some land at the airport and the club is said to be very interested in buying the land. CEO Philip Beard said, "We will...
Sex Discrimination loonies have pressured the government into banning this age old saying, citing it as "Anti woman". Margo Mango, of the Town Women's Action Team Service, handed in a petition signed by 20,000 Zulu women to government officials at...
We spoke to American Major Soccer League star Landon Donovan about a possible loan move back to Everton in January yesterday. Here's what was said: (We arrived at his flat and i accidentally pressed the bell for flat number 178 instead of Landon's flat) Me: Hello, this is the English press. Angry old git: P*** off, you've just woke me up. Me: We need to interview Landon Donovan. AOW: That's...
From a Red It wasn't always good. 26 years without winning the league. An FA Cup win over Palace, and the following season, a wet night in Rotterdam when we beat Barcelona in the Cup Winner's Cup final. At last - a European prize. Following five years of oblivion. A failed title challenge, culminating in embarrassment at Anfield - to the delight of the Scousers. Leeds win the league...
Harry Redknapp and Neil Warnock dished up a load of old rabbit after Tottenham Hotspur's lucky victory against QPR on Sunday. "I thought we were t'rific today" said 'Arry. "Luka Modric was t'rific. I love Luka. Scottie Parker was double t'rific. I...
Scientists claim to have found the cause of high blood pressure. The discovery means that it maybe possible to develop specialist drugs to tackle the problem and save thousands of lives every year. A PhD student, Francine Marques, supervised by...
Although Manchester City claim that they are in no way worried by Carlos Tevez's claim of unfair treatment over his alleged unwillingness to play against Bayern Munich, it would appear in the latest move that this is not the case. "We value Carlos...
Self-proclaimed football manager Neil Warnock said Sunday that he received an incredible amount of sexual satisfaction from watching opponents score goals against his Queens Park Rangers team and sincerely hoped his spirited side would concede a buck...
Chelsea and England captain John Terry has told fans on the club's website that he intends to wear studs in his boots in the future after slipping and presenting Arsenal with a match-winning goal in his side's 5-3 loss to Arsenal at Stamford Bridge a...
Undead United 94 Zombie FC 0 - Spoof sports reporter, SKOOB1999, managed to speak to United Manager, Davey Locker, before he went back into the freezer. SKOOB: "You have won by a comfortable margin, was it your tactics"? Locker: "No, every...
A local man claims that Saturday will be a day to forget. Mr Gideon Lambrusco claimed to be "minding his own business" when his day just started to unravel for no apparent reason. "I just don't get it," said Mr Lambrusco, 46, of Panfried Garden...
Arsenal proved today that they aren't dead in the water after all as they emerged comfortable winners in a 5-3 triumph at Stamford Bridge, ably aided by a Robin Van Persie hat trick. It was a pulsating encounter, which Chelski led at half time by...
John Terry has categorically denied having a porcupine on his head during Chelsea's shock defeat at QPR. In a carefully worded statement, John Terry told a reporter "It's not a fucking porcupine you cunt." The FA are investigating the porcupi...
Everton fans can relax - signals emerging from Manchester Utd today suggest all is well in the Red Devils camp after a stroll out in the Carling Cup on Tuesday night. There had been fears that following Utd's 6-1 home mauling at the hands of deadl...
Chelsea skipper John Terry has insisted he did not make an intelligent comment during Chelsea's comprehensive defeat by a classy and witty QPR team at Loftus Road yesterday. Videos posted on the internet claim to show JT mouthing the words "Nietzs...
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