The world was stunned early this morning as brown smoke spewed from the Vatican chimney. "What does this mean? What has happened? Have the Cardinals lost their minds?" As the media speculated and the worlds Catholics tried desperately to make se...
In a shock announcement by the Vatican today, it has been confirmed that Simon Cowell, the mastermind behind popular talent shows such as "Britain's Got Morons" and "£X-Factor" is being drafted in to bring some life to the process for choosing a new...
Rome - A light frisking under the cassock was all that was needed in 2005 when the church's princes lined up their credentials to elect a new Pope under Olden Day rules. On Tuesday the Vatican's new get-tough policy on wackos and weirdos kicks int...
The Vatican -- New York Mayor Michael Bloomberg is moving to complete a deal that would make him the second Jewish Pontiff of the Roman Catholic Church. "St. Peter was Jewish and he turned out to be the indestructible rock God chose to head his ch...
Rome - Pungent early whiffs of a hung Conclave have seen America's thirteen cardinals secretly hire heavyweight lawyers for their respective corners amid fears of a Vatican dirty tricks department coup. A hanging chad scenario of dodgy ballot pape...
Rome is preparing itself for another night of violence, vandalism and mayhem as more cardinals arrive in the Italian city to vote on a new pope. "It happens every time they need a new pontiff," explained bar owner Luigi Pistone as he swept broken...
ROME, ITALY - Now ex-Pope Benedict XVI has given his first interview since retirement to Italian media channel "Televisio El Italiano" from his Roman mansion earlier today. The interviewer questioned him on such topics as "why the big hat?", "how do you wash the big hat?" and "can I have a big hat?" The Pope simply waved his hand and explained. "My name is Cardinal Ratzinger, please. I am Pope...
Special to TPN - Vatican Secretary of State, Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone, announced that the Convocation of Cardinals assembled to pick a new Pope will liven up the proceedings with a Silly-Hat Contest, which has not been conducted for 1200 years.
The world was shocked and mostly outraged today when a North Carolina pastor and recently converted Evangelical Christian was elected Pope by the College of Cardinals at the Vatican. The Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, North Carolina, is a...
Rome - College of Cardinals tokers got a rare treat today as an emergency aid package from the White House signaled the start of the Papal bong convention. Hundreds of pick-n-mix Walmart goody bags laden with candy, chewing gum, cigarette papers,...
According to our exclusive Vatican sources, the Pope had no problem at all leaving the Vatican and the Papacy. The real issue? Having to leave behind his red shoes. You see, those glorious red shoes had provided the Pontiff with special powers...
CASTEL GANDOLFO, Italy - This cramped hilltop town outside Rome is in its final preparations for the arrival on Thursday afternoon of an honored guest: Pope Benedict XVI, who will commence his new life as pope and chief molester emeritus. Italian...
Pope Benedict XVI hurried to a waiting helicopter yesterday afternoon after delivering a brief message to the gathered Cardinals waiting to select a new Pope. Speculation was rampant as to the reason for his brevity and most believed it was due t...
Well-wishers wished Pope Benedict well after he broke his ankle while attempting to address lots of people in a big pizza in Venice. Remnants of the hot food dish had left the stage a bit slippery, and his right foot slithered away in an emotional...
Quito - Described by the Ecuador Creative Dentistry Association as an absolute genius in the exploration and extraction of gaping cavities Ecuador's national oil company has been named as PR manager for the 115-man contest. Announcing the decision...
Pope Benedick's decision to resign was made on the 17th December 2012 when he received a report that a gay network of priests in the Vatican was being blackmailed. The pope received news of a gay network within the Vatican itself and realised that...
And if his prayers are answered, the party will be held in St. Peter's Square, with thousands and thousands of attendees from around the word! The Pope has told reporters, "Look, for years, I've been going out on the balcony and blessing that di...
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