Athens, Greece - Greece's debt burden is so excessive that the country is looking at every alternative to reduce their burden. With the concurrence from the European Union, Greece has decided to mandate all citizens to shave their back hair daily for...
In their latest attempt to stop the oil leak off the Louisiana coast, BP have recruited Angelina Jolie. Previous attempts have involved using robot divers, giant plugs, industrial size sanitary towels and trained starfish. A BP spokesman said, "We...
British Petroleum have loaded a flotilla of ships with lava from the Icelandic volcano in the latest attempt to plug the oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico; an operation that BP are calling Cup Pompeii. The ships now face a four thousand mile journey...
BP's latest attempt to stop the oil flow from the ruptured pipe has failed. The company is attempting to contain the spill from the well by cutting off the fractured pipe and sealing it with a cap. During the cutting process the saw has got stuck...
Now the saw that was cutting through the leaking oil well in the Gulf of Mexico has gotten stuck. "I knew we shouldn't have pulled that slick deal in Haiti", mumbled BP Oil's third spokesman in as many weeks. "Sure as the world we're under a curs...
After starting their criminal investigation into the BP Oil Spill only very recently, Attorney General Eric Holder, and his team of Federal experts believe that they have finally gotten to the bottom of the matter. Investigators now seem to b...
At this rate the amount of oil in the Gulf of Mexico will be larger than the amount of sea water. After trying for six weeks and in the middle of trying yet another way of stopping the leak, the BP Oil specialists were digging two relief wells tha...
BP is finally beginning preparations for a serious attempt to curb the massive spill from its leaking well in the Gulf of Mexico by opening negotiations with top level management of their rival terror organization, Al Quaeda. The firms tentativel...
By now, all have heard of the Oil Spill into the Gulf of Mexico. After many months of arduous brainstorming on how to clean up the oil spill, a team of top government scientists have come to the conclusion that Duct Tape will, once again, be the best...
British Petroleum has said that their best possible solution to plugging their oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico may be Rosie O'Donnell's ass. Research has revealed that the former stand up comic/talk show host/actress may just have "the right stuff" t...
New Orleans, Louisiana. With the failure of the "top kill", BP have announced drastic action to expedite the sealing of the massive oil leak in the Gulf of Mexico. BP General Manager, Bob Grease, announced to assembled press that the leak will be...
After failing to plug their hole in the Gulf of Mexico for the second time, BP, are now turning to plan C. Capping the hole with concrete and mud and a portable WC didn't seem to do the job so now the dastardly "Trouble Shooting Team" of environme...
New Orleans, LA - As millions of Americans ready themselves for a three-day Memorial Day weekend, BP executives and crew must work around the clock to continue efforts to stop the flow of oil into the Gulf of Mexico and at least appear as if they are...
WASHINGTON D.C.- Scientists are finding enormous bullshit plumes around BP Headquarters located in London, England, including one as large as 10 miles long, 3 miles wide and 300 feet thick in spots. The discovery is fresh evidence that the leak f...
WASHINGTON - Fire booms failed. So did a behemoth box, a secondary pipe to siphon leaking oil, and the EPA doesn't want BP using a EPA approved oil dispersant to minimize environmental damage from oil spilling into the Gulf of Mexico miles below the...
Washington, DC - BP CEO Tony Hayward woke up to the news Monday morning that President Obama had taken the drastic step of freezing every last penny of BP's assets, including bank accounts the world over, stock portfolios, and even the cash Hayward h...
Sweet Home, Alabama - BP today ended the oil spill into the Gulf of Mexico by blowing the well up with a nuclear bomb. The explosion was felt as far north as Tennessee. The cloud from the explosion could be seen all the way from Canada. The explos...
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