In a sensational and jaw-droppingly astounding moment of frightening shock and awe, The Sun newspaper today printed a truthful story. Demonic Mohican, editor of the glorified toilet paper, said "I can't apologise enough to our readers. I'm launchi...
That's what the people of Earth are screaming today as fifteen huge round hot things are heading straight for us from the depths of space! The population of Earth piss in their pants at the prospect of being squished into the galactic equivalent...
Shockwaves crashed throughout the scientific world today after NASA reported the discovery of a baby sun hiding behind our own Sun. "We have long suspected something was behind the sun but never had the necessary equipment to locate it until now."...
Global warming. It may or may not be endangering the very future of the planet we live on, depending on your point of view. But that is of little concern to the residents of a run down English seaside resort town, which has started to thrive with...
It's official already. Solar minimum has arrived. Sunspots have all but vanished in the past months. Solar flares are nonexistent. The sun is utterly quiet. Like the quiet before a storm, just like it was in 1958. So what's the difference in to...
The Solar Ombudsman, OfHot, has been fielding a string of complaints from the Sun following the UK's recent good weather. The well-known star - a regular visitor to the rest of the world - claims to have been severely overworked by living up to hi...
A human condition called 'Sun-Melt' is back with a vengeance, after reports of at least 20 people melting on the UKs hottest day of the year. "We have not seen this since the 1977 'Big Heat'," said a London hospital spokesman. The condition attack...
There was terror in a West Midlands town this morning, when a Dudley man woke to find that the sun, which habitually rises in the east, had, instead, risen apocalyptically in the west, sparking fears that the end of the world was about to take place.
Following the revelation that IBM was considering buying the Sun, the negotiations have broken down and IBM has withdrawn from the purchase. However, enterprise software giant Oracle has jumped in on the act and has said it will now buy the Sun inst...
IBM are said to be in talks regarding a possible purchase of the Sun. The technology company sees the Sun as being essential for all life in the solar system, and therefore of great potential value. Sources suggest that IBM would look to develop...
Houston TX-- NASA astronomers confirmed today the planet Jupiter is about to become a second sun by 2012. The new sun will change life on earth forever and will have unexpected consequences, according to NASA scientists. The solar-system's larges...
Washington DC-- The nation's top astronomers met behind closed doors with the president and military leaders at the White House this morning. The astronomers had grim news from Outer Space-- the sun is dead. It looks like it died on Election Day. T...
The Sun was today facing high court charges of causing global warming. "We can't believe that the Sun has been getting away with this for millions of years" said Greenpeace activist Tofu Quorn-Chickpea. "It's been staring us in the face all this t...
Deirdre Rachid, the famous 'Dear Deirdre' agony aunt of downmarket tabloid 'The Sun' has admitted losing a memory stick containing the personal problems of thousands of readers. Names and addresses were included in the data and it is thought to be wo...
Dayton, Ohio (IPP) - The next solar cycle was assigned the number 24 but has been canceled by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Scientists were able to predict that this cycle would have been 30% to 50% stronger than the previous solar cyc...
The next series of Countdown will see the long-awaited return of Jade Goody to our TV screens. She will be replacing the current presenter Carol Vorderman who was sensationally sacked last month for...
From within the Bat Cave- John McCain, the self-proclaimed 'Dark Overlord of the Night', recently proclaimed a new evil villain in society: the sun. It was not quite surprising coming from McCain, a well known vampire; what drew attention was his...
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