After divulging Rio Ferdinand's omission from the England squad to a passenger on the tube, Roy Hodgson is expected to name his full 25 man squad on the 19:15 Portsmouth to London, when asked by some guy. It is thought he may announce the squad be...
It has been announced that Facebook use has reached one billion, with experts warning as much as three quarters of that figure may be dependant abusers, raising fresh concern about the ongoing pandemic. Facebook use emerged in 2003 with the first...
After his gentle grilling, chewing and spitting out like a piece of shit chewing gum because it's been grilled, of the Prime Minister on his American show - David Letterman is wanted by the Labour Party. Sources close to sources that are even clos...
The publication of topless photographs of the Duchess of York, or wherever, has caused widespread anger from the Royal family and breast enthusiasts everywhere. French magazine Closer have apparently published paparazzi photographs of the Princess...
After yeserdays report into the Hillsborough tragedy exposed a police cover up, the most senior serving officer at the time, Sir Norman Bettison, has issued a full and unreserved 'fuck you' to victims and their families. Now Chief Constable of Wes...
As Coldplay performed at last nights Paralympic closing ceremony, opportunists seized on the fashionable trend of absolutely hating them, man. Fabricated musical snobbery was in full flow as pretend muso's bemoaned Coldplay's supposed lack of mus...
Perhaps the biggest surprise of the Prime Minister's Cabinet reshuffle on Tuesday was the replacement of veteran MP Ken Clarke with ruthless law enforcer Judge Dredd. Sources close to David Cameron say Clarke's approach to the Justice Minister rol...
Welfare group Samaritans have offered assistance to Cristiano Ronaldo after he refused to celebrate his two goals at the weekend, saying it was due to him feeling sad. The Real Madrid player didn't specify what exactly is causing his sadness, set...
American rapper LL Cool J and ex-footballer Duncan Ferguson are to spearhead a new neighbourhood watch initiative, it has been announced. The move, encouraging residents to batter the shite out of intruders, comes days after LL Cool J reportedly...
South African Kevin Pietersen was today still ostracised from the England cricket team after revelations about him texting South African players. Whilst playing (bored in pavilion waiting for turn) for England against South Africa, South African P...
George Michael triumphantly returned in a blaze of abject failure last night at the Olympic Closing Ceremony. After performing a relatively appropriate song - Freedom, Michael decided to perform new material. Shit material. Which was completely lo...
The scourge of empty seats which are somewhat tarnishing the Olympics came into sharp focus again today. An Olympic watchdog has said too many settees are still far too empty. Lord Coe vented his frustrations at the eyesore he encounters when snoo...
After her much trumpeted acting debut at the understated Olympic opening ceremony, the Queen's Hollywood career looks set to begin. Universal are understood to be in talks with her majesty about a film chronicling the life and times of Helen Mirre...
The eleven year old boy who boarded a flight to Rome unaccompanied after evading security and passport checks was inadvertently in charge of the United Nations yesterday. Liam Corcoran appears to have been mistaken for UN Secretary General Ban Ki...
The Tour de France sensationally passed off today with no criminal incident. Onlookers looked on with stunned amazement as no discernable sabotage or doping or any other criminality occurred. With the possible exception of Bradley Wiggins' yellow...
Four opera singers from Guildhall entrusted with protecting the nation during the Olympics have sensationally pulled out. G4 were Pop Factor contestants in some year in this decade. After a string of gigs in the immediate aftermath of the show, th...
Pop mogul and human-yet-waxwork Simon Fuller has signed Andy Murray to his label and looks set to launch his solo music career. After numerous sightings in Murray's corner throughout Wimbledon rumours started circulating about their relationship.
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