President Obama has triumphantly announced the purchase of the British National Health Service for immediate transfer across the pond. Advance elements of NHS shock troops will land in Chesapeake Bay next Tuesday, provided that it is not a Bank Ho...
The Mythbusters have excelled themselves. In a specially extended, 4-week programme, the guys were treated to 25 virgins each, at a rate of 3 per day with Saturdays off. Said a TV company boss - "I have never seen the guys so dedicated or keen. They...
Prostoglandin works! Niaciorhombohydrehide is effective at reducing wrinkles! Say goodbye to laughter lines with strepttidiaorrhoic alimintary gum extract! You may not be able to find these compounds in chemical textbooks, but the beauty ind...
Admiral Lord Nelson's flagship has been in drydock in Portsmouth Naval Base for many years but is to play a leading role in the 2009 November 5th celebrations. A volunteer crew of Royal Navy sailors reinforced by several gangs of immigrant workers...
In a surprising development, the Chief Traffic Warden for Helmand Province in Afghanistan has issued a dictat that no additional helicopters may be parked in his territory. "I am sick of these arrogant pilots parking in disabled spaces when they h...
Today programme presenters are cock-a-hoop at the announcement by Gordon Brown that he has invited James Humphries to form a government. "I realised whilst on holiday that the Today team are much more on top of things than the Cabinet and that, fr...
This morning's Today programme "interview" of Dark Lord Peter Mangelson has resulted in the Business Secretary being sectioned under the Mental Health Act. Repeatedly during the interview, the recently created peer interrupted and argued with hims...
In a cringemaking interview, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have issued lurid details about their sex lives. "The last time we did it" says Brad, "I sprained my left elbow getting out of the stirrup". Angelina laughs delicately at this and comments...
Recently deceased (or is he?) Michael Jackson's extended family have requested the public for assistance in keeping Michael's story alive. "Let us hear your conspiracy theories about how the IRA did away with Michael" pleads his bereft father at t...
The Iranian ambassador to the real world has announced that President Avadmedinnerdad has accepted a nomination as Jeremy Clarkson's replacement phallus. In a shocking revelation, it has been revealed that Mr Avadmedinnerdad has been desirous of a...
Nyan O'Reel, star of many memorable movies of which very few people can remember the title, plot or cast, has triumphed in a career - enhancing PR stunt. His stunning blonde daughter, Tomatum (19), threw her arms around him just as her stepmother'...
The moment we have all dreaded is upon us - the Top Gear Triumvirate is to be sundered - and all because of a selfish action by Hammond. There is a sense of tragi-comedy about the news and the production team seems to believe that things can be pa...
Joanna Lumley, the well-known former Gurkha soldier gender reassignment and height enhancement celebrity is to leave the United Kingdom forever. "As Rifleman Limbahadur Gurung, I served this country well" Ms Lumley stated from her lofty vantage po...
Occupational masturbation seems to be a developing trend and is likely to be included in the 2012 Olympics as a demonstration event. The government regulatory body, Offtoss, has approved the event format. Health and Safety officials have carrie...
We are encouraged to earn money by working. The money we earn by working is taxed as a proportion of income. We are allowed to spend our after-tax income as we please. Unless you want to buy something the government does not really approve of. Of course, it is only fair that the government gets a slice of the cake from the business that pays your wages - Corporation tax. While you are...
It has today been announced that Jezza and Subo are to go their separate ways. Citing irreconcilable differences, Susan has applied for a divorce - even though they have been married for less than 2 weeks. The judge has questioned the short dur...
The police investigation into MP's expenses has identified a bizarre twist in the evidence trail. Whilst digging deeply into the claims of the MP for East Cheam, Mr Lamar Middleton Penrose, who has claimed the maximum possible expenses since his e...
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