London - (Associated Mess): Groaning with more smack than ever seized by HM Customs & Excise on the open seas, the world's largest container ship docked at the Suffolk port of Felixstowe yesterday laden with over 50,000 tonnes of Chinese heroin b...
Christmas has literally come early to many parts of the country today. Children up and down many European countries awoke this morning to piles of presents and notes with demands for "milk and cookies next year!" Santa, it appears has deliv...
Havana, Cuba - (Associated Mess): Ailing Cuban leader Fidel Castro has summoned London Mayor Ken Livingstone to his bedside amid fresh concerns that a major London-bound cheap Xmas cocaine deal brokered last month by the Non-Aligned Crack Barons'...
'Tigers In A Walmart', insiders say, takes a whimsical look at what COULD happen, theoretically if thirteen 650 pound starving Siberian tigers suddenly got loose in a Walmart .. store packed .. exits jammed, Christmas Eve and the starving ti...
IT was yesterday announced that the Pope and several other religious parties are planning a sequel to bestseller 'The Holy Bible' as part of their Christmas and New Year celebrations. It is expected that Richard Branson's Virgin company w...
Guillermo Martinez* had a big loving family and enjoyed big meals. After big meals, he would sweep up with a big broom. On one terrible Christmas night, he threw his beloved broom at US Border Patrol agents and they shot him 171 times.
It seems it could be a gloomy Christmas for many children at the close of the year, following a suggestion by the European Union that Saint Nicks' annual present giveaway may come under legal scrutiny.
NEW YORK - In this city that never sleeps, in this city where everyone says, "This is New York - I can do anything I want," the unthinkable has finally been breached. This just past Christmas was to have brought happiness and joy to the Smith househo...
Berkeley, California --Happy Holidays everyone! I had the family over for Christmas: my brother Jerry, his wife Pam, their three kids, and Aunt Vera and Uncle Carl. Also, my ninety-year-old grandmother Edna brought her new boyfriend, Harlan, who I guess to be somewhere between ninety and five hundred years old. Of course, Edna brought Penny, her fat, gassy, and blind seventeen-year-old b...
I dreamt last night that I found this marvelous website that would take my writing submissions and over time I would develop a following of webbies that would seek my brand of humor and become an audience for my "voice." In my dream I wrote a couple of pieces that were not by best stuff, but I was tired, it was Christmas, and I knew that if I built it they would come.
Archbishop Rowan Williams, leader of the Church of England, has spoken up against harming terrorists this week in his 2005 Christmas message. Dr Williams, speaking from a tea hut behind Canterbury Cathedral, said, 'They do not speak our language;...
"It was so quiet you could hear a Rosary drop" said one witness after Pope Benedict XVI sat down for Christmas Dinner and a loud PFFFFFT rang out. Vatican security is optimistic that they will catch the prankster who keeps playing practic...
Santa's workshop .. long thought to be a fictional place "way up yonder" where elves and reindeer sang and frolicked merrily around Christmas trees and Charlie Brown fireplaces making toys was BUSTED by Federal Narcotics agents during...
In an effort to reach out to minorities and immigrants,, the White House has invited North Pole native The Abominable Snowman to hang the star at the top of the National Christmas Tree in Washington, D.C. The ceremony is scheduled to take place on F...
As the Christmas season draws near in this time of "political correctness" I suggest we drop the sappy Christmas story of Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. Though most childrens stories are politically incorrect, few stories in history have been as politically incorrect as this one. We will note that Rudolph was born with a disability and the other reindeer children constantly taunted him, called...
Little Johnny wanted a machine gun in his Christmas stocking. Little Cindy hoped to find a grenade thrower under her Christmas tree.
Because of the overwhelming number of prayers received during this year's election, football, and Christmas seasons, God (a/k/a the Supreme Being, Yaweh, Allah, Abba, and the Big Fella) has installed caller ID and an automated phone menu to handl...
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