LOS ANGLES, CA (Barnes & Noble)-Hoping to replenish dwindling membership in the Democratic Party, leading American liberal Democrats have just announced the results of over 200 years of politico-horticultural research and experimentation on the origi...
HOLLYWOOD-Tinseltown Attorney General Overlee Shameless has gained grand jury support for indictment of Hollywood sensation Rene "Roxie Hart" Zellweger for conspiracy, attempted murder, and most shocking of all, being a serial role killer.
NATIONAL HURRICANE CENTER, MIAMI - Meteorologists have concluded days of exhaustive post-hurricane analysis...
OIL RICH, TX - Closed-door sessions are underway with Big Oil rallying after the unexpected successful use of Hurricane Katrina as an excuse to raise crude oil and fuel prices to unprecedented highs. Now the game is on to see that they stay that way.
NEVERLAND-Recently acquitted of child molestation charges, pop icon and maximum weirdo Michael Jackson has set his sexual sights on outer space, hoping to lure alien kiddies to his ‘just for fun' den of iniquity, i.e. his space age ‘sleepover stopove...
NEW ORLEANS-A consortium of engineering, plumbing and naval scientists are working on a number of possible solutions to the inundated Mississippi River delta region. Chief among them is the installation of an enormous sump pump on the Atlantic Ocean...
OPEC (UPI)-Sources close to the world's primary oil producers have answered a question that has been on the mind of every American since the War on Terrorism began: Why is the cost of oil, and hence gasoline and diesel fuel, so high? The answer: Hurr...
WORLD PRESS-Latest local, national and worldwide poll figures indicate a disturbing trend that has network news and newspapers pointing fingers at each other. The reason: NOBODY KNOWS and NOBODY CARES!!...
REUTERS-Music industry lawyers have taken a giant step toward curtailing growing abuses of copyrighted songs and other entertainment subject to royalty fees, production costs and performer compensation. Guided at the national level by the office of t...
MEMPHIS, TN-America's values have been cast into turmoil. Religion and nutrition are locked in moral and mortal combat, with the country's favorite fast food pitted against one of the nation's foremost evangelists.
HOLLYWOOD (Maury Povich Show)-Paid for by leftover soft money presidential campaign contributions (estimated to still amount to untold billions) and kickbacks from gasoline price gouging (too much to count), the DNA laboratory proof is now in: Cindy...
CAPITOL HILL (Hill Watch)-The Democratic party is set to rock the American political world in a precedence-setting bid for the White House. Getting a formidable jump on the lame duck GOP competition for the 2008 presidential election, the Democratic...
CRAWFORD, TX-Riding the tide of publicity, fame and celebrity heaped on her as a result of her cockamamie traitorous trek to Texas, Democrat darling Cindy Sheehan has decided to advertise her availability to the highest bidder for all causes that hel...
THE WHITE HOUSE-In a move that has stunned and baffled both critics and supporters, President George W. Bush has decided to drop John Roberts as his nominee to fill the vacant seat on the U.S Supreme Court in favor of Cindy Sheehan.
HARVARD (UPI)-Prominent political scholars have combined numerous empirical studies in a treatise delivered today in conjunction with the graduation of the Class of 2005 at the premier Law School of our land and the world. Quite simply, the publicati...
WASHINGTON, DC-Removing clothing, pat-downs and body cavity searches at airports across the nation will soon become a thing of the past. A new procedure will replace the antiquated airport screening process when recently passed legislation is enacted...
PLYMOTH ROCK, MA-"Back to Basics." That's the slogan being used to inaugurate a new law that literally touches every native-born and naturalized American of school age and older. Commencing January 1, 2007, class is in session. The subject: AMERICA-1...
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