The National Audit Office has today published grim statistics confirming that life expectancy is lowest in the most deprived areas of the UK. The report has found that the average man will DEFINITELY die at 75.8 years old with women faring little...
The Lord Mayor of Nowhere was left red faced today after his trousers fell down during an educational seminar he was giving to a group of 8 year old schoolchildren. The gaffe occurred as 56 year old Colin Cocksure, who is definitely NOT on the sex...
Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clogg has revealed plans to abolish unnecessary laws in a bid to shift the balance of power from the state to the people. The moves are intended to bolster the Coalition pledge that policy makers don't make law. People do. I asked a cross section of society what laws they would like to see repealed. The Smoker Speaking from a 6 inch hole in his throat cel...
England boss Fabio Capello remained in typically defiant mood last night following a NARROW 4-1 defeat at the hands of arch enemies Germany. Adopted Englishman Capello insisted, through an interpreter, "Our brave Tommies overcame the evils of Naz...
Home Secretary, Theresa Might, has announced measures to drastically reduce Police numbers and red tape in the wake of the recent public sector cuts. Presenting at the Police annual conference in Manchester she told delegates "Unlike New Labour, w...
A notorious gangland killer has been awarded nearly £50,000 of taxpayers money following reports of inadequate dental care at a top security prison. Food Michael Steel, 82, speaking from his cell, defended the decision. "Look, I've waited 2 wee...
Secret Government proposals are afoot to raise the pension age to one hundred years old. This comes in the wake of discussions by DWP Minister Ian Dunkel Smyth to raise the retirement age to 70. Under the new proposals, dubbed as work til you d...
Millions of health conscious Britons awoke this morning to hear that the health benefits of drinking water may have been over exaggerated A ten year study has concluded that the Great British Cuppa may actually be better for you than water. The re...
Meddling Eurocrats have announced plans for a wholesale ban on ordering eggs by the dozen. Barmy Brussels minister Maris Piper, 56, instead is demanding that the versatile egg is ordered by weight in future. She insists "we've listened to the...
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