Local woman, Tania Fudglowski, has collapsed and died following a celebratory lap of honor after completing a 26-mile marathon in her local town.
As if. Do you think I would submit a piece called the "art of writing" if I knew anything about how to write stuff. What do you take me for? I can barely hold a pencil straight long enough to write down the number of the local pity clinic where I go weekly to get shots of confidence for my lagging libido. And besides none of that has anything at all to do with whether or not I can write.
Lord? Thank you for this bounty for which we are about to receive. I'd like to especially thank the migrant workers who culled the crops so that we could purchase the products conveniently at our local grocier.
As an experienced consumer of fine beer, I am more than abundantly qualified to educate beginners on the merits of such, with the topic of alcoholic content being a favorite of mine. This is due to the numerous debates I've been privileged to engage in with various associates while seated at the local tavern, with the subject consistently drifting to this topic whenever some innocent newcomer...
The world's most anxious man, Mr Oliver Dear from local Hamlet Chutney-on-Frinton has been awarded the title of the World's Most Anxious Man. The aptly named man is our new regular contributor. Read the dispatches from the front line of his life.
Petunia and I reached the crowning glory of thirty five years of martial, I mean , marital bliss! Forty dollars worth of roses and a meal she could have cook for 1/10th the price at the local gourmet cafeteria and we were back home to await the dessert and gift our beloved offspring had planned. Usually Petunia had to nag,remind and blackmail the freeloading hoboes to come up with some lame sign o...
A 9-year-old terror suspect and his accomplice have been arrested by forty armed "Splat" officers, in connection with what is to be believed, the biggest ever terror plot to blow up balloons in a local "Balloons R Us multi-corp tm" depot in th...
The next trip you take to your local pharmacy may not be as painful as it has been in the past. At least that is what the decision-makers at the Walgreen's corporate offices are hoping.
(AP) Minority groups across the United States were visually upset and preparing to march against their local cable companies at the announcement of a new television station. White Entertainment Television (WET) will make its debut in November on ove...
Sandpoint, ID – Betty Schnooker, housewife and PTA Member, claims to have ‘seen God’ while watching her hamsters, Abraham and Isaac, frolicking in the woodchips. “I was going through a really rough time,” Betty said, burning insence by the hamster cage. “And then, Abraham crawled into the woodchips and fell asleep and I was like ‘oh my God…I totally see God in that! You know, that I’m pro...
Punxsutawney, PA. Local woman says the Internet has given new meaning to her life. Mary Helen McFlugle of Pine Street, Punxsutawney has found a new purpose in life- helping others in chat rooms and forums on the Internet.
Spokesman calls rookie entrepreneur's concept "morally repulsive".
Christipher, the local insane boy who believed a family pig from the farm was sentient finally snapped back into reality and butchered the creature who he dubbed Piglet.
Release June 10, 2004: Your local Staples Office Supply Superstore is now selling the Smarty Glue Stick. Losing the Belmont Stakes, and ultimately the coveted, and elusive, Triple Crown, "Someone had to pay," said owner and maj...
A local man truly fell for an April Fool's joke on Thursday, the first such reported instance in about 15 years.
ALBANY, NY-In order to promote appreciation of the arts to her small pupils, Ms Adrian Jennings, a local kindergarten teacher, invited Mitch Farrell, an art critic with a local newspaper, to her classroom to tell the children about how art can be app...
South Westerley County Council refused to comment today on allegations that they had effectively goaded local idiots into burning a straw bigot during traditional Guy Fawkes night celebrations, as a childish attempt to "even the score" afte...
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