Panic in the streets of small town continued tonight as the mysterious face jammer claimed yet another victim, this time outside of the bespoke chickens shop on 'dash-it-all street'. Chief inspector Williams has been drafted in from the 'super-duper...
Terrible summer blockbuster 'The End' is due to hit cinema's this week and critics are already panning the film with respected popcorn cruncher Roger Ebert describing it as 'just three hours of credits', albeit the most thrill inducing, stomach churning, tear jerking, laugh out loud three hours of credits ever. German director Uwe Schmitz retorted that 'yes it is three hours of rolling credits, bu...
After three years of phone hacking, hiding in playground shrubbery and hundreds of inconclusive photographs, today we are finally interviewing very Frank. He has kindly agreed to talk to us on the proviso that he can stuff his face choc-full of Turkish delights throughout the entirety of the interview. At certain points of the interview we may have to adjust the height, weight and circumference of...
Real life stories of revelations and resurrections will soon be making their way to your smart phone (smarter than you!) or desktop computer. Jesus Christ or as he is more commonly known, J-Sizzle, has joined the social media revolution. It is a...
A general erection today for everybody in Britain, and what a big one it was with hundreds of inhabitants turning out in their thousands to vote on the important issues of today. As it were there was a landslide for the nutty natters over 90's nudist...
Sinister rumours have been circulating all day that director James Cameron orchestrated the 1912 demise of the Titanic luxury liner, just so he could make a movie about it. New evidence about the tragic event has shown that Cameron had the idea of making such a film as early as 1898. It was only when he first heard about the Titanic's planned maiden voyage that he decided to take action. It i...
Driving Daily - Britain's favourite car mad mag for over 50 years - EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH JAMES MAY, JEREMY CLARKSON AND RICHARD HAMMOND AFTER THEY WERE CAUGHT SMUGGLING 400 JARS OF ELEPHANT SPERM IN THE BACK OF A 1982 FORD CORTINA IN INDIA. Learners be warned, your dreams of owning and driving your own car are about to be pulverised! As of 1st January 2013 budding motorists will be force...
Heya OMG I just had that awkward moment when you're so bored that you forget to wipe, ooh smelly fingers. Anyway I got so bored that I came on Facebook, but then Facebook bored me so I logged off but then I got bored so I went on Facebook, soooo random right? Gonna have myself a big Facebook mooch tonight. I've got the popcorn on tap and a whole case of blue wkd's. Mom's gonna be so pissed when...
Time for a friend audit me thinks, EVERYBODY'S gotta know about this so I'll put it as my status for at least 5 days, or until I get 50 comments on it. Makes me feel like a g6 like a g6 like a g6 you know. I don't give away my friendship that easily so some people have just got to learn where the line is and know that they shouldn't cross it, know what I'm saying yeah my house my rules. Welcome to...
Oh my gosh I am sooooo bored right now, and tired, isn't everybody tired. Click like if you have ever been tired, yeah that's how I roll. But you know I think I got to be so tired because I was so bored and then you know my mom's gone out with her new boyfriend Lorenzo and their all too not tired unlike me, who is tired! Anyway forget that because I have work in like 3 hours but that's ok because...
Feelings of total ambivalence overtook each other today as 2,000 mud-slinging, disease ridden peasants of the underworld descended on Trafalgar Square. Cries of outrage and shrieks of gay abandonment were heard for miles around as thirty years of...
Manchester United manager Sir Alex Ferguson has today ruled out striker Dimitar Berbatov. The news came as a shock to the room full of unscrupulous underhanded weasels with most viewing this as a step too far from the 69 year old Scot. Reporters...
Why a surprise party for Ted? Surely there is more deserving of such a great hullaballoo than him. There are people in the world more in need of a good surprising than Ted. Ted would not enjoy a surprise party very much as he has always liked his surprises few and far between so if it is to be done then we must keep our distances ladies and gentleman. Now he has always liked people to be a darn...
Story told by Gorm's best chum Wombleworry Worters. It was always great to see old Gorm laughing at things with a tank-full of gigolos, and then gnawing on them should they respond in kind. I am sure he didn't hardly realise how truly loved he was by his fellow inmates, everyday we'd give him a caring clout and a timely trip whenever he truly got too big for his booters. Yes, everyone really fe...
Greetings! Your trusted pal Maltram here with more stories of captivation from our Island of Vlinsky. Today, story of painful misfortunes for your beguilement. Enjoy my faithful friends. Just about one year ago Georgy Pestramovic (44), Vlinsky, fell down a flight of stairs, breaking his arm and two front teeth which had only recently grown back. To add to this he also badly burned his hand o...
For the first time ever, the popular multi-ingrained, packed full of fibbers and chiggers website Facebook, is allowing users the chance to communicate with dead celebrities of the past. It is also encouraging all citizens to stand and deliver or the devil he may take ye. The move should bring about improved accessibility for Fatso Wong, increased rates for Susan's Boyle's and higher chances of d...
Confusion surrounded the small market town of Ashby-de-la-douche last week as two men in blue overcoats attempted, and failed to deliver a 100 tonne blue whale to a Mr. Nobody. All seemed well up until the point where they had to physically place...
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