The Centers for Disease Control in Atlanta (CDC) has come out with warnings this week of a new strain of flu that is already showing signs of being a real problem this coming fall flu season. The reports claim the flu is related to elephants. Unlike...
The Democrats use the donkey as their symbol. The Republicans use an elephant. Until now, the Libertarians had no animal symbol to relate to. However, this past week, leaders of the party gathered the responses to a poll sent out to registered Libert...
Los Angeles, California. A doctor here has carried out the world's first elephant plasty, transplanting an elephant's trunk onto a 74 year old man. It was explained as being necessary for the patient as his wife could no longer stand his ceaseles...
Giant woolly mammoths died out because they ran out of grass - not because they were hunted to extinction, according to scientists. The dope smoking, gargantuan herbivores became so passive through being too huge for any other animal to mess with...
Madhuri, an Indian elephant living in India's Corbett National Park, has been photographed swinging lizards around by their tails. He picks them up in his trunk and swings them up, down and sideways. The lizards are a little dizzy when they are p...
At a packed White House press conference today, Barack Obama showed off his new pet elephant. The 48-year-old President met the 14-foot animal named John last month on an African safari, and the two are now inseparable. The friendship, however,...
A new diminutive elephant species -- or sub-species -- has been discovered in a remote plateau in Siberia. The elephants appearance is that of an African elephant fully grown at 3 ½' tall. Typically scientists find fossil and frozen remain...
Well here it is, believe or not, an elephant has sunk in a local swimming pool in the Beverly Hills suburb near Los Angeles. The elephant displayed some odd behavior, including eating some chocolate, but refusing to eat a "nice, healthy salad."...
Shock news this morning as Nelly is confirmed dead. After a long and bitter struggle with several addictions, a long court battle with ex-manager Toby Climatis and several sordid newspaper stories of seduction and sleaze, it is with sad regret th...
Southern India: An elephant participating in a Hindu ceremony today surprised everyone by suddenly charging. Several people were injured in the confusion. Eye witnesses claim that the elephant began demanding 100,000 Rupees per person to watch hi...
DENVER, CO - Ditty Lynn Bestial told the press in a conference today that she "felt ravaged". The Denverite was implanted with the wrong embryo in a fertility treatment mix-up. In a bizarre twist, she has given birth to an elephant. Ditty Lynn...
Washington, DC - Dr. Michael "Packy" Steele, the nationally esteemed biologist and chief shit picker upper for the elephant exhibits at the National Zoo in Washington, first noticed the dim-witted behavior of the elephants last fall. "Instead of...
Nothing much happens in Harlow - its such a nice quiet place. In the town centre you could imagine quite easily that you were in Richmond or Woking. The people all look affluent and well educated. Not an ounce of fat on any of them. Their emaciated b...
It seems that trunk calls are being made increasingly in the capital of South Africa, Pretoria. Many people are accusing elephants of carrying out these clandestine calls and are right on the edge of making some of these Proboscidea accountable for t...
London - the south-east London suburb of Elephant & Castle is to change its name by the end of this year. Residents of E&C are tired of being ridiculed and bullied for the nonsensical name of their suburb. They also believe the name is no l...
A Polish gay elephant is seeking a new home. His camp behavior has seen him expelled from Poznan zoo. Nelly the elephant has to pack his trunk following several cases of sexual harassment. Polish officials were unrepentant. "It's no laughing matt...
Washington DC: After last week's presidential press conference, President Obama's aides noted that his feathers had been ruffled by some of the CNN and Fox news reporter's questions. The president's chief of staff suggested "your skin is too thin...
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