A report by the Football Association has accidentally stumbled across information indicating that Sir Alex Ferguson is a Sith. The governing body was forced to launch an inquiry after various premiership clubs alleged that he had the ability to in...
Nemanja Vidic, who has been previously sent off three times against Manchester United's arch rivals Liverpool, today celebrated NOT being shown a red card as United edged their way to a 2-1 victory over the Anfield outfit. Serbian international V...
A desolate Hotel, near Wigan, UK: New Years Eve, everybody is getting ready for fireworks and champagne. People are getting ready for the BIG party. Then there is a desperate 'TWITter' message picked up by all good Samaritans, by a £115,000-a-we...
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney is facing a night in hospital after choking on a dismantled Rubik's Cube at his Cheshire home. Speaking from outside the People's Dispensary for Sick Animals (PDSA) in Warrington where Rooney is recu...
The football world is baffled at the way Man United always win after going behind and now the secret has been revealed after Jaggedone secretly sent in his CIA ( Cockroach Infiltration Army) to a team talk at Old Trafford. Star CIA reporter, Flatc...
Legendary former Manchester United striker Ole Gunnar Solskjaer has revealed he would relish the opportunity to manage his former club. The 'Baby Faced Assassin' as he's known at Old Trafford, despite never having assassinated anyone, currently ma...
Sir Alex Ferguson is planning to rotate his squad around as Manchester United visit Stamford Bridge for the second time in four days for a Capital One League Cup match. Sparks flied as the two teams met on Sunday in the Premier League. Chelsea we...
The Manchester United and former England defender Rio Ferdinand has told reporters that his ex-England team-mate John Terry is a "despicable cad" and no longer on the black star's Christmas card list. Terry has been at the centre of racist abuse a...
Manchester United and England star Wayne Rooney has this evening been sensationally linked with Championship side Barnsley after the Tykes offered forward John Rooney - Wayne's brother - a contract until the end of the season, subject to internationa...
Man United arrived in Romania today and were rapidly transported off to their hotel before dark. Several players had cloves of garlic hanging around their necks to ward off any vampires that could have been hiding on the mens bogs at the airport.
At a press conference at Salford Lads Club today, a group of Manchester United supporters refused to promise to be on their best behaviour at Anfield, as Sunday's clash between the bitter rivals looms ever closer. The rebuff comes amid press conce...
Robin Van Persie was injured last night playing for Holland and as the news slowly reached the Mancunian regions (Red light District not blue movie area) several hundred United fans were seen heading for the local, fog ridden (that was written by Aga...
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger says he sees a future for Nicklas Bendtner, 24, at the Emirates despite sending the Denmark striker on loan to Juventus after spending a season with Sunderland. (Guardian) The club need a burger bar assistant who speaks Danish. Uruguay were going to play a World Cup qualifier against Colombia in local second division side Solo Junior's away strip until their kit...
Usain Bolt, the fastest man on two legs, asked Sir Alex Ferguson if he could play for Manchester United, and the dour Scot has agreed to let him trial at an upcoming friendly. "I know he can run," said Sir Fergie. "I saw him in the Olympics. But c...
Sir Alex Ferguson has made the scoop of the season and offered super-sprinter, Usain Bolt, a contract to play for Man United! Bolt, who is totally insane, feels that his speed can benefit United who tend to be pretty slow in the final third (whatever...
Arsenal chairman Peter Hill-Wood admits the Gunners cannot compete in the transfer market with Chelsea and Manchester City. (Evening Standard) They are however very convenient for kebab shops and Screen On The Green cinema in Upper Street. Newcastle will try again to sign winger Tom Ince, 20, from Blackpool in January after having a £4m bid rejected. (Mirror) Rumours that the son of former...
Considering the average tenure of a Premier League manager is a little over 50 games at the helm, it was all the more remarkable that this afternoon Sir Alex Ferguson celebrated his 1,000th Premier League game in charge of Manchester United at St Mar...
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