The much feared and regularly used Trojan virus has almost turned the peotle of brittle into jabbering rex. They are almost ruined! The virus, which originated from the bowels of Sir Daleks Ferguson's corrupted memory system, was at first only intended for his Manchester United successor David Moyes, but it has spun wildly out of control, right across the country, like a wildfire! Its next...
Every school library in the country is currently being torn to shreds and replaced with thousands of Amazon Kindles that can only access books written by British authors. The wet dream of both Amazon and Michael Gove has become a reality as workme...
Pupils across the country are not carrying out their homework and are instead handing in pieces of A4 plain paper with a hashtag link written on it, furious teachers are reporting. Teenagers across the country are using the newly created "Obama /...
Expert on everything Michael Gove is to take part in the next Top Gear series. To prevent the loss of a presenter by any kind of mishap, the show will be presented by a rota of invited celebrity "guests". Petrol Head Gove will be first and will...
Harrogate in North Yorkshire, a residential care town for the aged is to be closed down, due to new EU regulations. A rigourous inspection by "God Complexed" expert on everything, Michael Glove has revealed that people have been dying of natural caus...
"You're doing it wrong" expert Michael Gove is to give young people a sense of patriotism and a correct outlook on WW1 history in a new remake of the final trench "over the top" episode of Black Adder. The episode will charter the life of ordinary pe...
After failing to demonstrate an understanding of averages, Secretary of State for Education Michael Gove has defied critics by completing a series of maths problems, aimed at 4-5 year-old children. He added and subtracted with ease, and even tackled...
An overhaul of GCSEs in England has been announced by Education Secretary Michael Gove in an attempt to raise standards to "compete with the best in the world". Mr Gove announced that the government was thinking of introducing an I-Level standard som...
Education Minister Michael Gove has had a street re-named after him in Gravesend. Michael Gove Grove is a quiet row of newly re-furbished houses recently occupied by newly-educated families and young people who have benefitted from Michael Gove's...
A radical fart emissions offsetting scheme was launched yesterday in central London by Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg and Education Minister Michael Gove. The prevention of fart fouling trading scheme or PFFTS was introduced to reduce fart emiss...
George Osborne will today announce plans to limit the amount of children people who earn less than £40,000 a year can have. While he raises prescription charges for the same group and places a high rate of tax on contraception as well as supporting...
Leading education experts have today pointed out that proposed incentives to attract teachers are poorly thought through and will not work in the real world. Unions, school governors and parent bodies have pointed out that there is no recognition...
Wandsworth, London: Children, all dressed in the latest play park friendly, designer gear from the Slide and Swing fashion house, are to be heard, screaming and whooping derision at less well off kids from the latest must have status symbol. Chanc...
Education Minister Michael Gove is introducing a new way of teaching Maths. He explained to Parliament : 'I went into a school yesterday and asked a child what 2 and 2 was. He said it a short skirt used in Ballet. I ask you, honourable members, wh...
In a speech remarkably reminiscent of Charles Dickens' infamous schoolmaster, Mr. Gradgrind, in 'Hard Times', Education Minister Michael Gove announced this week that the school curriculum must now focus on facts and figures, a return to the old style system where children learned dates and informational snippets by rote. "In 1950, every child in England knew when the Battle of Hastings took pl...
Top Ten Norfolk and good In no particular order The Scottish soccer team The Engerland soccer team The Engerland 3 lions World Cup bid losers The snow and ice Cheryl Cole miming The UK coalition government - had to be in there somewhere The Irish bailout The subsidy of £100bn to HSBC, Lloyds, RBS and Barclays The very low Interest Rates (If you've got money in the bank you're a loser...
Plans by Education Secretary Michael Gove to allow headmasters to discipline pupils "any time, any place, anywhere" face derision. He told the Tory party conference: "At the moment heads are prevented from dealing with their pupils if they run wil...
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