WASHINGTON - From now on, all American workers will be paid in gum. The move to a gum-based economy will totally revolutionize employer/employee relations, result in MUCH fresher breath, and result in FAR fewer cavities. Department of Labor offic...
Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson has been invited to the World Chewing Gum Championships in Guam. Mr I Chew has invited Ferguson to compete in the speed chewing category after watching him chew gum faster than he has ever seen anybody chew...
Hilton, Park Lane, LONDON: On Tuesday, 17th November 2009, the LMA Hall of Fame 1,000 Club Dinner celebrated the success and longevity in the volatile world of professional football, those football managers who have managed 1,000 or more domestic le...
Barack Obama strolled (well, more of a strut) into the Oval Office for the first time and tried out his chair behind the President's Desk. As he grabbed the front of the Resolute desk to pull the chair forward, however, his face changed and his eyes...
An exchange student in Singapore was arrested yesterday, giving a new and literal meaning to the (awesome) expression make out bandit. The arrest, for illegal possession of chewing gum, happened at the popular nightclub "Party Like its 1841", in t...
Doublemint Gum INC has had more than their share of sticky situations over the years. Tooth decay fears rotted their sales in the 60's and 70's. Sugar caused Diabetes almost amputated the company in the 80's and 90's and the threat of...
Washington, DC - Now you can chew your way out of the weight gain you chewed your way into by simply chewing on the newly approved FDA sugar-free diet gum all day long. Just make sure you are near a bathroom as you may experience weight loss nearly i...
Zoom Chewing Gum / Airway's stock crashed yesterday after a failed attempt by CEO Mr. Cornelius Zoom at a new flavored chewing guy sirloin steak.
CHICAGO--The Wm. Wrigley Jr. Company (NYSE: WWY), a leading player in the candy market, is launching a new line of chewing gum for your stinky ass. JUICY BUNS & BUTT SAVERS! Part of the new "Fanny-Fresh" li...
Silicon Valley - (Ass Mess)): A wizard new cyber tool which scans data files for the dreaded gum disease e-virus has been hailed a success after its launch by AppleCore Scambusters. The high-tech phishing philter tracks down bona-fide looking electr...
Hard, no-nonsense football manager Alex Ferguson is reported to be in negotiations with the manufacturers of Wrigley's chewing gum to land a major six-figure endorsement deal.
The two leading charities dedicated to supporting our alien communities launched a desperate appeal, yesterday, for used chewing gum.
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