Transfused with the blood of a mongoose that killed the venomous snake that sought to bite him, Bob Frank, a skinny bedwetter, acquired the ability to store massive quantities of urine, which he used as a weapon to fight supervillains and defend truth, justice, and maidenly virtue. Donning a urine-colored costume, the chest of which was emblazoned with a huge blue "W," to warn evildoers of the con...
Selma Beitner (aka Batsheva), whose screen name is Selma Blair because (1) "Blair" sounds better than "Beitner," (2) she wants to hide her Jewish heritage ("'Blair' sounds less offensively Anglo," she says), has starred in one or two blockbusters, but she is not adverse to accepting roles in independent films or even art-house trash when the meatier roles are not forthcoming. Her "versatility," sh...
Dr. Doom--his very name spells disaster. Not surprisingly, this gray-armored, green-robed, hoodie-clad supervillain remains one of Marvel Comics' most popular bad guys ever--so popular, in fact, that he is often soon retired after appearing, for an issue of two, usually in The Fantastic Four, the comic book that showcased his origin, for fear that he will eclipse the superheroes he fights. Not the...
WHITEWASHING, DC --- In an astounding speech, President Barack Obama demonstrated to the world that he is, indeed, "delusional," as mental health experts have privately suspected for half a decade. Referring to such matters as the Benghazi fiasco...
It was 1972, and Marvel Comics editors, writers, and artists were feeling decidedly uncreative. "We'd run out of ideas at The House of Ideas," Stan Lee recalled at the recent San Diego Comics Convention. "However, Marvel's always been good at ripping off competitors, and, at the time, the trend was to balance out superhero comics with horror themes. We put the two together, and viola! Ghost Rider...
WASHINGTON, AC/CD --- In wake of the U. S. Supreme Court's decision that the Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA) is "unconstitutional," the U. S. marriage rate has plummeted to an all-time low-among heterosexuals. The rate of gay marriages, on the other h...
New Yawk, New Yawk --- In an attempt to boost the ratings of his Fox News show, Geraldo At Large, Gerardo Rivera posted a nearly nude photograph of himself--or, rather, his mirror image--on Twitter. Minutes later, it had been deleted, although it is...
WASHINGTON, DC --- In a surprise---some might say, an astonishing---admission during a recent White House press conference during which he eulogized the late anti-Semitic bigot Helen Thomas, President Obama admitted that, when he was the same age as...
WASHINGTON, DC --- Aspiring centenarian and anti-Semite, Helen Thomas, 92, died at home following a long mental illness. As he prepared his eulogy concerning the contrarian White House press corpsman, speechwriters reminded President Obama that "corp...
DANBURY, CT -- American, songwriter, rapper, singer, producer, actress, and all-around good girl, Grammy Award-winning Lauryn Hill, 38, looked shocked as she turned herself into Connecticut authorities to begin a gruelling, three-month-long prison se...
WELLINGTON, ENG. (WHERE ELSE?) - A local Wellington pub-cum-restaurant admits it specializes in "unusual fare" according to owner Steve Drum. Customers of the establishment suggest the declaration is "an understatement" typical of the stereotypical d...
Animal Crackers are animal-shaped cookies (?) designed by carnivorous subhumans as brainwashing tools by which to corrupt innocent children who, without such indoctrination-disguised-as-treats, might become vegetarians, eschewing the abuse of the ver...
"They call it a Wonder Bra because when I take it off, Freddie wonders where my boobs went. - Sarah Michelle Gellar Wonder Bra, a subsidiary completely owned and operated by Wonder Bread ("We build sound bodies 12 different ways") is designed to l...
According to some, erotica is what women, who lack the balls to refer to it by its real name, call pornography. However, they contend that erotica differs from porn in that it is ofter, warmer, fuzzier, and feels better on the lips and tongue than pornography tends to feel. Characteristics Some individuals also contend that a number of its characteristics further define erotica, distingu...
TORONTO, Canada - Those kooky Canucks! They hit the Hollyweird jackpot, and all they do is bitch! Imagine winning a role in the remake of Total Recall and complaining about it. That's exactly what Canadian actress Kaitlyn Leeb did in a recent interview, much to the chagrin of Original Films executives and their counterparts at Columbia Pictures, the company distributing the movie. Leeb's compla...
Transsexual lesbian Amanda Bearse has been called lots of names, including "actress," "director," and "comedienne," but the first four letters of her first name, which is given only in the sense that she gave it to herself, says it all: Amanda is "a man." Transsexual lesbian? What's that? Technically, now that she has completed sex-change surgery, she is a transwoman (a man who becomes a "wo...
"To think I kissed her (or him) there--and there--and ''there''! - Sarah Michelle Gellar Although some contend that Baphomet is a Marvel Comics super-villain, Baphomet is really the demon of parties and partygoers west of the Mississippi. As such, he (or she) is often depicted at parties in Las Vegas, Hollyweird, and various family nudist camps in Arizona and New Mexico, and some Oregonians inc...
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