Mitt Romney appeared at a presidential debate last night and many pundits said it was the death knell of his presidential campaign. Romney took the podium, looked at the other candidates and stated the following: "Jesus said. Let he who is wit...
In an unprecedented move to insure that all potential life is protected, legislation has been introduced in twenty-six states to make male masturbation a crime. In a press conference this morning a spokesman declared, "All life is sacred and all...
Governor Chris Christie took the podium at a press conference today to announce his candidacy for President of the United States. Christie proclaimed, "The fat's I the fire! I am running for President! I have said several times in the past I did...
Herman Cain started his address to the Florida straw poll on Saturday with the following: "At the least I provide you with a choice of toppings! Underneath the toppings is tasteless white dough and that is what you are seeing before you on this s...
Governor Rick Perry returned to Texas this morning to host a cocktail party in honor of the latest execution in the state prison. Hot off the campaign trail and beaming with pride, he spoke briefly on landing at the airport: "I am here to celebra...
Speaking from an unknown location somewhere in Boca Raton Florida, Muammar Gaddafi announced today he is bringing his new line of clothing to America. Speaking to reporters via telephone he said; "To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. Therefore, I am bringing my line of exclusive clothing to America. I have had thousands requests to make these cute out...
Congresswoman Michele Bachmann called a news conference this morning. The subject had not been announced. Ms. Bachmann took the podium and began: "First of all, I NEVER said that Governor Rick Perry was Beelzebub!" The assembled journalists look...
Politico is reporting this morning that an anonymous source has told them that Governor Rick Perry attended the Fix-A Gay (FAG) school founded by Michele Bachmann's husband Marcus Bachmann. Suspicion is rampant that the information came from the Bach...
WorldRank.org, the leading ranking organization for the world's nations stunned the world last night when it announced that the United States of America had been downgraded to Shit for Brains (SFB) status. The spokesman for WorldRank spoke to rep...
Marcus Bachmann, husband of Michele Bachmann, held a press conference yesterday afternoon on the Las Vegas Airport tarmac. He was surrounded by members of the graduating class of 2011 Fix-a-Gay (FAG) School of Moral Behavior. Bachmann, dressed in bas...
Reverend T. J. McCorkle of Louisburg, NC, was released today from his thirty-day house arrest for selling crystal meth to a Cub Scout troop. There were only two reporters at the rectory as he emerged -- one from the local Franklin Times and the oth...
In what The New York Times and other national media are calling the greatest show of unity in America since World War 2, three million people have signed a petition demanding that all locks be changed at Congressional and Senatorial offices. The peti...
The new Pew public opinion polls were released today and it is not good news for members of the US Congress. In a generic poll, numbers for both political parties were lower than the public opinion of head lice! "Not good news for the re-election pro...
Congressman Eric Cantor has notified the media that he is suing the New York Times for a typo that appeared in yesterday's newspaper. A spokesman for the paper stated that it was evidently just a human error and that they were investigating. "It is a...
Late yesterday Speaker of the House of the United States Congress, Join Boehner was arrested at a Washington DC pawn shop trying to pawn the Great Seal of the United States! A shocked press corps watched as Boehner was fingerprinted and booked at the...
Journalists gathered in the nation's capitol today as Congressman Eric Cantor took the podium dressed in Revolutionary War garb and carrying a musket. The assembled Tea Party members also dressed in uniforms from the 1700's sang a song from the era,...
Eric Cantor took the podium at a press conference yesterday to announce The Tea Party Plus Pissant Pledge (PPP). Cantor originally denied being a Pissant* but with the universal acclaim of the Tea Party caucus for his new status, he is now embracing...
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