Written by b kenneth mcgee

Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Herman Cain started his address to the Florida straw poll on Saturday with the following:

"At the least I provide you with a choice of toppings! Underneath the toppings is tasteless white dough and that is what you are seeing before you on this stage---tasteless white dough! It takes a good topping to make a good pizza or a good candidate. I am that candidate! To tell you the truth, there is not an anchovy or even a sweet onion on this entire stage!

"My friends, there is no free delivery in this world anymore and I am here to tell you that in a Cain administration, there will be no free deliveries for anyone that cannot take responsibility for themselves. Free delivery is over for deadbeats that sit home and take money for doing nothing. For those of you that are sick and have no heath insurance, you will be labeled shovel ready in a Cain administration."

The crowd cheered and chanted, "Shovel ready! Shovel ready!"

Cain composed himself and continued: "And particularly for those over sixty-five that live like kings on their social security hand-outs and won't even work at Wall Mart as a greeter! Those days are over!" The crowd roared in a standing ovation and shouted, "Days are over! Days are over!

"And all of you commie, socialist, perverts, liberals and non-believers, grab your ankles and get ready for the day of reckoning. No more free deliveries!"

The crowd exploded with applause, threw hundreds of used pizza boxes in the air and chanted: "No more free deliveries! No more free deliveries!"

In related news, Mr. Cain was seen at the Florida Republican Headquarters later in the day chatting with supporters. He stopped at a "Coloreds Only" water fountain to have a drink before returning to the campaign trail.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Herman Cain

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