Really, totally, and unequivocally excited about their recent bacterium discovery in an arsenic pool in California, biologists and astrologers were quick to hypothesize the existence of life (in other forms) across the universe. Though most all li...
In a devastating blow to old chum, among others, researchers at Stanford University have concluded that life most definitely is not a cabaret. The 6 billion dollar taxpayer-funded study also concluded that life is not at all like a box of chocolates,...
A local spoof writer is currently recovering from shock today following the astounding revelation that he has had a life going on around him whilst he had his nose pressed fast, up against his computer monitor for the past several years. 'It was l...
'There are times,' cried Penny, 'when the bottom falls out of your life. We were within 2 minuted of drawing away to Arsenal, after a fantastic performance, when Arsenal go and score the only goal of the game. We deserved a draw.' 'Penny, dear, get things in perspective' advised her mother 'West Ham are just a football club. Think of all the other important things in the world. People putting b...
According to recently released figures from the DFFA* nobody in the UK has the slightest idea what they're doing, much less why they're doing whatever it is that they're doing. One field study revealed that a man in a supermarket, hovering by the...
You haven't showered and are in the grubbiest clothes you own, when, you realize you need something at Lowe's. Depending on your age you might do the following: In your 20's: Stop what you're doing. Shave, take a shower, put gel in your hair, brush and floss your teeth, put on clean clothes and your Air Jordan 2010's. Where's my iPod? Check yourself in the mirror -- 'awesome dude'. Put o...
Latest Thoughts From Professor Norton Folgate, the World's Leading Expert on Things in His Own Head: My grass needs cutting regularly. Why can't someone invent self cutting grass? Or cannibalistic grass. Grass that eats itself. It would save people a lot of time and make the world a nicer place to live in. You wouldn't get all these ne'er do wells leaving their grass to get too long and all...
Following on from our recent interview with Professor Norton Folgate where he revealed is theory of life, we received further correspondence from the Prof today which, whilst slightly confusing in itself, confused us as it appears to be another theory all together. To let you decide for yourself, we are printing the correspondence below, in full. "Two fat ladies, eighty-eight. So is there...
It is said that the mind of World renowned physicist Norton Folgate is a wonderful place to explore and recently we had the privilege of doing just that when he agreed to a frank interview to discuss his latest theory of life. Folgate's theory, which totally turns all other theories of life on their proverbial heads, is an interestingly one and one which, whilst at first seems totally implausib...
What started as a joke is becoming the scare story of the year. Mates Vlad Putin Russian Tsar and Savio Berlesconi, Italian Top Celebrity, were swapping jokes when the Italian was requesting funds to increase research into how to increase the average...
A spoof writer (me) woke up this morning with the sudden urge to not give a fuck about anything any more. "As soon as my feet hit the icy cold floor, I was overcome with a wave of emotion that carried me off to the sort of place where I couldn't g...
The National Audit Office has today published grim statistics confirming that life expectancy is lowest in the most deprived areas of the UK. The report has found that the average man will DEFINITELY die at 75.8 years old with women faring little...
A medium in the spirit world has been trying to discover if life before death exists. Shi Chang a Chinese spirit guide has been trying to contact people on the other, other side to see if life really does exist before death. Much evidence in the spirit world that entities actually live in the so called "physical world" have been shown to be a hoax or fraud. Some mediums in the spirit world have...
In a 5-4 decision, the Supreme Court ruled this week that Right to Life ends at birth. The ruling was part of the decision to allow all citizens of the United States to have and to carry weapons. Justice Anthony Scalia speaking for the majority s...
Before you all piss your pants with worry and declare your love to your next door neighbour before its all over, NASA are simply referring to our civilisation from an electrical prospective! Yes, those boffins in the US enjoy issuing these types...
The World didn't take note, but an average man, a caring man, a man who always gave his best, a man who always stood for something, finally took a seat today. The man was of average height, average weight, with average features, a man with no disc...
We have all probably heard the news announced by J. Craig Venter Institute, May 20, 2010, on creation of the first synthetic cell. Looks like Frankenstein, a novel by Mary Shelley, is taking a new evolutionally turn. Of course, we do admire the robots which can defuse road bombs, and, if the system is running short of dead bodies as fake drivers of vehicles employed in suicide bombing, t...
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