NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- As more states move to legalize "medical marijuana" use, Albertsons will purchase Safeway in an attempt to "take on" Walmart, and the two supermarket chains will compete as one against the world's largest retailer (yes, that wou...
NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- Half-naked photographs of Vladimir ("The Impaler") Putin as he fishes in a river, rides horseback, swims, hunts tigers, and vetoes Federal Assembly legislation has caught the eye of the publisher of The Upholder, a gay male maga...
NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- In an effort to appear "tough," presidential candidate Hillary Clinton called Russian president Vladimir ("Vlad the Impaler") Putin "another Hitler." Except for Putin's mustache, she said, he looks just like the Nazi dictator...
HOLLYWEIRD, CA - Mickey Mouse stunned the world with his announcement, recently, that he is gay. "My relationship with Minnie is a sham," he confessed. "All these years, she's been nothing more to me than a beard, you know, to hide who I really a...
HOLLYWEIRD, CA - Singing sensation Taylor Twitt, 24, obtained a temporary restraining order against her secret husband, Timothy Sweet, 33, saying that she's never met the man and is not married to him, despite the fact that their marriage has never b...
ROUND ASS VILLAGE, FL - "If you dare to bare," Mayor Ima Blueblood warns would-be exhibitionists, "beware: in Round Ass, we don't want to see your derriere." In fact, being too cheeky in Ima's town could result in a month's sentence to jail fo...
HOUSTON, WE HAVE A PROBLEM, TEXASS -- The Pre-Labor Day Pregnant Belly Bikini Contest has a mission. "It's not all about T&A, like most bikini contests," says Boo Bee, the contest's creator. "It's about women's self-images, about their self-co...
ATLANTA, GA - Stephen Colbert said he's "fine" with the National Security Agency (NSA) knowing about his "privates," i. e., private and personal information, such as whether he's lesbian (he's not), gay (who would care?), bisexual (he could be), tran...
JACKASS, MS -- Seventy-eight-year-old Walter Williams has cheated the Grim Reaper. Pronounced "dead" five days ago by a doctor whose credentials are "under review" by the Amerikan Medical Association, Williams was on the embalming table, about to be...
WHITEWASHINGTON, DC - Scientologist and Fox News "hostess with the mostest," Greta Van Susteren cleared the air recently by challenging her male colleagues' belief in the natural superiority of men over women. "Have these idiots lost their minds?...
JERUSALEM, Israel - In a recruitment drive gone awry, female Israeli soldiers dropped the trousers of their camouflage battle dress uniforms to moon photographers. The soldiers were wearing thong panties, rather than military-issued skivvies, however...
NEW YAWK - Failed presidential candidate and controversial former secretary of state, Hillary Clinton recently had an employee of Bare It All Glamor Shots fired for having had the "temerity to photograph" her while she was naked. The employee, Joh...
WHITEWASHINGTON, DC - During the previous presidential election, former president Bill Clinton suppressed his true feelings for his wife's arch rival. To project the appearance of political unity within the Demcats Party, Clinton refrained from criti...
SPARKS, NV -- In a recent exclusive interview with Transformation magazine, Stan Lee, the creator of most of the most successful comic books and superheroes of the period, set the record straight concerning The X-Men and their origins. "They're tr...
WHITEWASHINGTON, DC -- President Barack Obummer is finding that his pen and his 'phone do not have the effect that he desires in matters of foreign diplomacy. In writing, Obummer has warned Russian president Vladimir Putin, known to his former KGB...
HOLLYWEIRD, CA -- Wearing a red wig and a prosthetic fish "tail," complete with scales, Emma Watson will appear topless as the mermaid Ariel in Walt Disney's The Little Mermaid. Titter accounts have "gone viral" in tittering about their idol's lat...
Has-been child actress Destiny Hope Cyrus, born November 23, is a "recording artist." The daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus, she changed her name to Miley when, after a role in the television series Big Fish Lips in 2006, she received a casting couch call which landed her the part of teen idol Miley Stewart on the Disney Channel television series Hannah's Mons Veneris. Due to her youth, t...
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