After casting around in vain for over a year in search of an economically literate plan to save the Eurozone which could command the confidence of the financial markets EU President Herman van Rompuy announced today that the Council of Ministers had...
The European Court of Human Rights has ruled that Abu Qatada the suspected 'right hand man' of Osama bin Laden should not be deported in spite of the UK's attempts to see the back of him. In their ruling the Court went further than many expected s...
Paris -- The EU Division of Standard & Poor's has notched down France's world-leading AAA Romance Rating, relegating the "land of love" to the bottom of the hotness heap when it comes to "lust, thrust, and overall mojo." "France's sexual score...
David Cameron has secretly reconsidered his decision to veto the Eurozone agreement, not because Coalition Deputy Prime Minister Nick Flegg threw a wobbly and poured arsenick in his tea but because he overheard the French foreign minister talking abo...
French Guiana - Launched today on the back of a Russian Soyuz rocket the 970kg French spy-in-the-sky is programmed to detect astronomical sums passing through City of London coffers. It will work in tandem with five other satellites piggybacking o...
London - A £30bn smash and grab raid on UK coffers to aid and abet EU nutz raise a European army lies shattered today. Thinly veiled 'transaction taxes' on the City of London had been targetted in a series of poorly camouflaged plans about bailing...
As the Eurozone crisis deepens and the French and Germans seek draconian new powers to bring about a single European economy and extensive cultural unification, Britain has, finally, looked to protect its own interests. After British Prime Ministe...
A furious David Cameron, allegedly this evening threatened to head-butt French President Sarkozy, following the much reported incident where Sarkozy snubbed the PM as he vetoed an EU motion, and basically told Germany and France that if they wanted t...
PARIS - (Rooters) A company of soldiers, in which I was embedded, invaded Paris today. Equipped with purified-aspartame spray throwers we managed to drive the Germans back to Germany. The German front is now quiet. In order to drive all the...
After a marathon night of negotiations regarding Europe debt and sovereign power the Brit Prime Minister David Cameron issued the Churchilian two fingered salute to the Germans and the French. Although the official talk was of taxing the financial...
BRUXELLES - German Chancellor Angela Merkel screamed at the summit here to this reporter: "The Euro just doesn't get any respect! Ve Vill Ve Vill Vocket You." She ordered the European Commission and the European Court of Justice to use powerful V2...
William Hague is to meet with his European counterparts in January, to discuss the state of the Euro currency. Mr Hague commented: "It seems I have to go to a Paris hotel-room soon, for a meeting with the European heads of state, something to do w...
Downing Street is in a flap as it can not find the traditional Homburg had for the Prime Minister's visit to the German Chancellery on Friday. For the traditional exchange of gifts when leaders meet, Cameron has chosen a boxed set of ''Alo 'Alo 'a...
BRUSSELS - Hate Brussels sprouts? You'll really hate Brussels punishment for lack of budgetary discipline. That's right. According to our mole, a janitor at the conference, leaders of the European Central Bank have come up with the ultimate punishment for governments that do not pay back their loans. Germany was pushing for firing squad. The French were pushing the guilloti...
Frankfurt - Federalist arseholes are on the sharp end pushing to set up a 'fisting union' to solve the eurozone's debt crisis. Nicknamed the Bundestag Bum Bandits the shadowy cabal of EU budgetary disciplinarians reckons it can see the light at th...
Craig Moleunit, Britain's Leading Economist*, has spoken frankly about the state of the World Economy. He spoke candidly in a recent interview with business magazine 'World Accounting News Kite'. "Basically, we're fucked! Screwed! Shagged! The deb...
Rome - The most famous video game character the world has ever known has been appointed prime minister of Italy. In the latest attempt to get Italy's debt crisis under control, Nintendo's Mario has been put in charge of Europe's third-largest economy...
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