Nottingham reporter and wicker-bottom chair repairer Bartholomew Utterswaith, has deciphered a letter meant for despatch to another planet, by an alien who had to make an emergency landing on earth, in the Nottingham Council Benefits Office toilets, currently under review for closure. Here is the translated wording: Dear Mother & Father, Just to let you know that I am safe after the L...
Mulva Clark was settling down for the night to the tune of some of her favorite MUZAC on a local contemporary Christian music station. It was being used as filler until the station finally began broadcasting, but she liked the way it sounded. It re...
Northern Ireland - A Fermanagh man has described how he found some 3,000 year-old gold jewellery 'down an ancient bog' at Belle Isle. "At first I thought some alien maybe slipped one down the pan, like," Seamus McShergar said today, "on account of...
Washington DC: An extremely bright light was visually observed hovering high over the White House. The light could be seen as far away as Chicago IL, yet area air traffic control RADAR screens were completely blank. The light was definitely identi...
A new rumor out of Washington was immediately denied by the Pentagon today, a little too immediate some are saying. According to different versions of the story it seems like someone had a great idea on how to bring the world together and stop man...
London - The MoD confirmed today it was monitoring the flypast anthem ahead of Tuesday's Vernal Equinox. A tip-off from the International Space Station saw RAF jets scrambled to check out intelligence taht an alien mothership is about to suck up i...
Edinburgh - Reports from Holyrood Palace tonight said the fugitive MI6/KGB double agent was known for his dead letter drop rendezvous near Salisbury Crags where some newly discovered bones are thought to be those of the missing Irish peer. Lucan v...
Pasadena, California - Rogue herbal activities aboard the International Space Station were widely blamed last year for creating Earth's crop circles - including the infamous ganja pipe smoking alien at Alton Barnes in Wiltshire. Today that theory...
London - Carnivore chic fans said today that a meteor (sic) carrying up to 100 metres of subtle flesh-toned alien scrag-end beef jerky was seen streaking across UK skies last night. Witnesses jammed police switchboards with reports that the galact...
Dedicated British Star Trek fans rushed outside their council houses last night all over Britain to observe a burning meteor. They were all convinced it was an alien warship searching for a new Captain Kirk. Ever since the original Kirk turned int...
TUSCON AZ (ABSNN) -- Tuesday morning, Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer, demanded that her state's already draconian law giveing Arizon law enforcement officers the right to detain undocumented aleins when stopped for traffic violations, be expanded to in...
PAULVILLE KY (ABSNN) -- Senator Rand Paul (R) from Kentucky, reported today that he had been abducted by the same alien responsible for last week's impregnation of twenty-six South Carolinia high school girls. "It was really an exciting evening,"...
Northern Territory - A Northern Territories coroners court's fourth postmortem probe into baby Azaria Chamberlain unexplained death 30 years ago heard some unexpected evidence today. Experts in veterinary forensics have identified rogue alien-Din...
LONDON-In what is being hailed as the most significant news since the death of Osama Bin Laden several months ago, which in itself was the biggest news since the royal wedding a couple days before that, the royal couple has dumbfounded scientists the...
Evolution buffs are today mourning the death of the fabled 'hydrothermal vent' theory for the origins of life. It was mused among eccentrics that somehow, life began in these mystical vents all by itself, millions of years ago. However, Professor...
Antarctica - Russian glaciologists today measured the ancient alien latrine by sonar and said it looks remarkably like blueprints for the proposed £5 billion Thames Super Sewer. This was first dreamed up by renowned Victorian civil engineer Sir Jo...
MARY Bacon, a thirty eight year old ex-military officer, has been found to be mothering twin extra-terrestrial creatures in her loft at her home in Derbyshire. Not only this, but Mary claims that the twin aliens hatched from her newly enhanced breasts. This shocking revelation has brought a vast and, frankly, horrific conspiracy into the foreground. THE BEGINNING Mary received the PIP breast...
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