Saying he should have gone along with the state legislature last year and signed the bill decriminalizing personal possession of marijuana, West Dakota Governor Cody Stevens pardoned himself after he was arrested last night for possession of the ille...
You know, when you insisted on not having sex with me until we were married, I thought you were a little bit of a prude, a goody two-shoes, and that I had a lot to teach you when our wedding night came around. But I was pretty wrong, wasn't I? Either you've been doing a lot of reading in your free time or you come at this kind of thing naturally. But in either case, you just about blew my eyeballs...
Researchers at Oxford University have bestowed upon Canada the dubious distinction of being the most boring of the six countries that comprise what's known as the Anglosphere: Australia, Canada, England, Ireland, New Zealand, and the United States.
Ever since she caught him peeking at her through her bedroom window, Eric Snower's neighbor has been bending over backwards---and bending over every other which way!---to catch his attention. And that's just disturbing. "I'll be the first to admi...
Randi Helms says she likes to get naked in front of people and has even masturbated in public a few times but when she learned her neighbor across the courtyard has been spying on her it totally creeped her out. "That's just sick, you know?" said...
For at least one group of people, Christmas can't be over soon enough. No, this group isn't comprised of Scrooges or Grinches but advocates for the colors green and red who say it's time society take back these two colors from Christmas and restore...
When Justin Fleich stepped out of his boxer shorts Sunday morning and stepped into the shower, it was the closest he came to having an intimate experience the entire weekend. "The warm water, my soapy hands all over my body, that was pretty much i...
For all his popularity with tea party conservatives and libertarians, Sen. Rand Paul of Kentucky will never be able to establish enough trust with American voters to win the presidency, should he run, because of his tousled hair, psychologists and ca...
Saying it's impossible to be mad when you skip, United Nations Secretary-General Ban Ki-moon has called for leaders around the world to take up skipping, the "hippity-hoppity" gait that, for most adults, has become a thing of the past. "If you re...
Saying their favorite band has become too commercial since it was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame last April, fans of Canadian power trio Rush say it's time to make a push for their removal. "We were instrumental in getting the ban...
Jason Creel of Deth Knell says he had an epiphany three years ago in a Little Rock motel and since then his relationship with Satan, the embodiment of all evil in the world, has never been the same. "Let me put it this way," he said while sitting...
I understand that two people will fight, especially when they've been together as long as we have. But to take such a low road by using the @*#*!-word is just too much. How can you not remember that the last time you said @*#*! to me, I left you for more than a week? All I can take away from your use of that word this time is you want me to leave you. Is that it? Because if it is, you should just...
I know we don't know each other, but I can tell already who wears the pants in your house. Why, I just sidled up to your wife and made a clever remark and here she is talking to me like we've been best buds since college, and what are you doing? Nothing, just as I expected. Even the guy next to you sees what a little twerp you are. He's ignoring you just like your wife is. How does that make y...
I know you think wearing a bow tie makes you look intellectual, but it doesn't. It makes you look gay and you're going to end up getting your jaw broken by some guy who thinks you're giving men a bad image. And you can forget about getting laid. Women say they like that look, but they don't. They're yanking your chain. What they really want is for a man to dress like a man and not pretend he's al...
Whenever I read in the news about some politician or celebrity having an affair, it makes me think of my own marriage and the sacredness with which I hold my vow of fidelity to my wife. Even after 20 years of marriage, I can look in the mirror and be proud of the fact I've never had an affair with another woman. I guess you could call me a poster boy of constancy. Of course, I would be lying...
I keep hearing all these mean people yelling about this right to bear arms and I just don't understand why they all have their undershorts in a knot over it. Like someone's going to take their arms away from them! What, are they going to pull them out of their sockets? I don't think so! I just don't know what to think of all that flag waving and chest thumping. If you want to do some good, I wo...
Gun enthusiasts say the millions of guns that flow across the border illegally for use by drug cartels in their war against the Mexican government must stop if mass killers in the U.S. are to reach the success level they're capable of. "Right now...
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