An obsessed American Susan Boyle fanatic has today married a life-sized cardboard cut-out of SuBo at his home in Redneck County. The cut-out, known as 'Flat Susan', has been used by fanatics at numerous 'Meet & Boast' gatherings around the USA...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies may, or may not, have taken out a super-duper-mega-injunction against the entire internet today, after it is thought that a video clip of the fanatics attempting to phone SuBo at home may, or may not, h...
Susan Boyle had a nasty surprise today, when red scarf wearing fanatical loonies sent her a bill for the quilt they gave her recently. "We need reimbursing for our time and materials," grumbled a quilter. "There's the material, thread, blessing fee, wear & tear on the sewing machine, wear & tear on my bible, transportation costs, sundry undocumented costs, my time, my cat's time for kee...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were probably annoyed today, after SuBo polled below Kermit The Frog in a pointless online popularity poll. The poll, run by Corrupt Really Asinine Polls (CRAP), asked 'Who do you love the most?'...
A gaggle of American Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies had to be escorted to hospital earlier after spending over an hour talking to a SuBo waxwork. The fanatics, aged between 95 and 122, couldn't understand that it wasn't actually S...
Hundreds of Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have been hospitalized over the past week suffering from "voter's finger." The problem began when the fanatics started voting in a meaningless online popularity poll. The poll sent the fa...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today demanded that Edinburgh airport be renamed 'Susan Boyle Airport'. "We believe she's the most important Scottish person who ever lived, in the history of the world, so we demand that the ai...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies are today staging their 24 hour live Quiltethon. The Quiltethon, broadcast live on the 'Happy Clappy Channel', will raise funds for the fanatic's next invasion of Blackburn, SuBo's hometown, due to t...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies look set to break a world record, after presenting a quilt they had made to SuBo over the weekend. The quilt, so large it covers four ZIP codes, has the names of several million fanatics machine-stit...
A Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loony was being held in custody last night, charged with the 'Importation of a blessed quilt without inoculations'. The American fanatic was held on arrival at Edinburgh airport, after customs staff discov...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today launched their new travel service. The Wealthy International Tacky Travel Service (TWITTS) organises tours of Blackburn, SuBo's home town, for fanatics. "We weren't making enough money fro...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today launched their own phone app, SuBoStalker 1.0. The app, available for a variety of trendy over-priced phones, can find SuBo within a 5 mile radius. "It runs in the background sniffing...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have caused Japan to run out of beer, after SuBo was heard humming away in a Japanese beer commercial. "If Susan has endorsed it, then it's good enough for me! I immediately took my wealthy husband's...
A Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loony was in shock last night after the quilt she had made for SuBo came to life. The quilt, measuring some 30 feet by 50 feet, was being blessed when it suddenly started moving. "I couldn't believe it.
The planned 'Intergalatic super-duper Susan Boyle fanatics gathering', due to take place in Scotland next month, has been cancelled after being declared illegal. The gathering, which was to be attended by several billion fanatical loonies and thei...
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies were distraught today after their latest quilt was kidnapped and held for ransom. The quilt, the 300th to be made by the fanatics, was on its way to the UK to be presented to SuBo. "It was all a blur...
Susan Boyle's cat Pebbles has today started work for the Scottish Government as chief rat catcher for the West Lothian area. "We've had no end of problems with rats in the West Lothian area. The population seems to increase in early April, when th...
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