A threatened walkout by Paralympians after Athletes from Russia and Belarus were allowed to compete as neutrals at the 2022 Winter Paralympics in Beijing following the invasion of Ukraine is highly unlikely claims a leading spinal surgeon. The In…
Heather Mills, who told Paralympics official Sylvana Mestre "you don't know who I am, I will make your life miserable," just bought the mortgage company that holds the mortgage on Mestre's house and evicted her using alimony money from Paul McCartney...
In the wake of the inspirational Paralympics, Nick Clegg has called for a 'Parelection' following the next General Election, to provide a level playing field for politicians of all abilities. "It isn't fair that the same big parties win everything", Clegg said, with a sad face. Vince cable has begun training in anticipation, and is already tipped to win gold in the 'toe-curling dance' event.
As Coldplay performed at last nights Paralympic closing ceremony, opportunists seized on the fashionable trend of absolutely hating them, man. Fabricated musical snobbery was in full flow as pretend muso's bemoaned Coldplay's supposed lack of mus...
The games officially opened tonight as the torch bearer from the previous host city, Moscow, staggered down the stadium approach road, before raising the torch aloft, and setting fire to the rubbish bin on a nearby bus shelter. He then loudly declare...
Monday 13th Friend Jar Jar (nickname) tries to chat up Friend Sinbad (predictive text nickname) saying he was always attracted to her even when she was dating another friend. Not getting anywhere he asks what the 'NYC' on Sinbads jumper stands for. "NO YOU CANT" says I... Wednesday 15th Had my picture taken with the Paralympic Torch in Sainsbury (the Paralympic sponsors) at Earls Court . A pu...
With less than 60 days to go to the world's greatest sporting event, The London 2012 Paralytic Games, there were few surprises as Great Britain's final team was announced today. The squad was named at the official unveiling of their new training...
Jed Simpson, Britain's leading rower heading for the London 2012 Paralympics, has had his bid for gold put in jeopardy. The Sunderland born sportsman has contracted woodworm in his left leg. Simpson had noticed sawdust appearing in his bed over...
Dilly and Dally DeWeese, Bullet County's only pair of Siamese twins, who won the 100 meters final at the Regional Paralympics in Bridgeport this past weekend by a head, are demanding two medals, one each, however organizers say they have to share.
Today Paralympics chiefs have admitted that the Tibeten freestyle wheelchair swimming event turned into a disaster ending in the death of all seven disabled athletes. Unfortunately, due to no-one being able to hear the starter gun underwater, the...
In a daring move bound to spark criticism, the London Olympic Committee today announced its plans for the 2012 torch lighting ceremony. Building upon the explosive success and critical acclaim of the London 8 minute segment at the Beijing closing cer...
Team GB returned home to a tumultuous reception and were met at Heathrow Airport by Gordon Brownose! They came second in the Para Olympics with a Tally of 102 medals. China won first place with 211 medals. However what is not widely known is t...
The Chinese track marshal who nonchalantly walked onto the running track in the midst of the 5000m wheelchair race, and was nearly flattened, has been charged with Jaywalking, it has emerged. Phu Kin Nut casually ambled through a maelstrom of spee...
Even before the end of the Beijing paralympics, Heather Mills has been fired! The former model and ex-wife of Sir Paul McCartney, was let go by the paralympic bosses due to a ridiculous clause she was demanding to be in her contract. Heather was a...
There was chaos at the Beijing Paralympics yesterday, when, during the 5000m wheelchair extravaganza, several chariots collided with each other and other vehicles, causing a pile-up of gargantuan proportions. Edith Hunkeler, of Switzerland, caused...
Now, as half the world begins to watch the 13th Paralympic Games in Beijing, the other half remains on the sofa still digesting its glorious meal that was the 2008 Beijing Olympic games. What a meal it was too we were treated to a great starter, a fantastic main and a sumptuous desert, all served up in the fantastic birds nest stadium. We can now only wait with baited breathe before our next O...
The 13th Paralympics got underway in Beijing today with all the glitz and glamour of the main summer games. There was disquiet amongst some of the competitors though as it would appear the designers of the Birds Nest stadium had omitted to install wh...
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