Alleged Neasden gangster and Mr Fixit, Arthur Pewty of Neasden today appealed to massed ranks of press and paparazzi to leave him alone. Reciting an oft repeated mantra, Pewty denied any link between himself and organised crime, despite being impl...
Actor Arthur Swenson has been cast in a Hogans Heros Film. Swenson's stellar acting in the block buster film Recon 7 Down, in which Swenson played Rommel. Arthur Swenson was the main factor to even attempt a new take on Hogans Heros. A search...
Reputed Neasden hard-man, gangster, and Mr Fixit Arthur Pewty today announced to panting pressmen that he just wanted to be left alone. Pewty, who has been implicated in everything criminal from the Brinks Matt robbery to the assassination of Joh...
Arthur Pewty, notorious Neasden gangster and crime kingpin today admitted that he too had shagged Jonathon Ross's grandma. 'It was a long time ago,' Pewty admitted. 'But the memories linger. I'll never forget that woman. She was insatiable. She to...
A stunned looking Arthur Pewty, reputed crime kingpin of Neasden and all round hard-man today had leaflets distributed to the hordes of the world's press encamped outside his flat in Norman Wisdom Tower Village, Neasden. The leaflets apparently printed by Pewty's gangster moll wife, the glamorous Beryl, contained a warning regarding the evils of the so-called fun puzzle Su Doku, as endorsed by...
Following an allegation that Arthur Pewty was dead and that he had a dead parrot stuffed up his arse, Neasden crime kingpin Arthur Pewty today responded by holding a press conference in a local branch of Jock Donalds. 'It's MI6,' Pewty claimed. 'I...
Dramatic developments from Norman Wisdom Tower Village Neasden. Arthur Pewty, legendary Neasden crime kingpin and reputed murderer (but he only ever killed the bad uns) has not been sighted for two days. Confusion reigned among the assembled press...
Reputed gangster and organised crime boss Arthur J. Pewty, a shop worn and rather threadbare former Monty Python sketch character (Series 1 / Episode 2 : 1969) was today found dead at his Neasden flat in Norman Wisdom Tower Village. Yes dead, really...
In what can only be described as an atmosphere so tense you could cut it with a blowtorch at the Old Trafford press room this afternoon, Sir Alex Ferguson issued the following statement: 'Ladies and gentlemen, we have been hearing reports that al...
In yet another dramatic doorstep interview, Neasden hard-man, gangster, and notorious underworld crime kingpin, Arthur Pewty, 53, earlier today denied being involved in a plot to secure total global domination for himself and his wife, the glamorous...
Plans were announced today for the release of Arthur Pewty - The musical. West end producer Andrew Lloyd Shredder said that an outline had been prepared and that casting would begin shortly, and that the show should be hitting the provinces early...
Neasden - Arthur Pewty, alleged hard-man and Neasden mob boss was tonight detained by MI6 officers over the death of Liam in Coronation Street. As he was whisked away handcuffed in an unmarked fire engine by grim faced MI6 agents, Pewty declared:...
As he returned from the shops Neasden hard-man, gangster and organised crime kingpin Arthur Pewty issued the following statement as to why he did not take his glamorous wife Beryl to a Stevie Wonder gig when the megastar recently toured the UK. A tired, and quite frankly slightly drunk looking. 'It all started when my stepdaughter Cara called us to say that Stevie Wonder was appearing at the O2...
Arthur Pewty reputed godfather of Neasden, criminal kingpin and all round hard bastard has just opened his front door to address the gathered media hordes. We report live as he speaks: 'I keep telling you idiots, including the MI6 blokes in the unmarked surveillance van that I am not a gangster. But I've just been informed about a deeply personal attack on my character by Jimmy Bacon.
A statement released from an undisclosed location, Laura Rebecca Pewty, stepdaughter of Neasden crime kingpin and alleged murderer Arthur Pewty. 'There's no way my stepdad is a gangster. He's just an ordinary bloke who works shifts in a factory. He can be a really decent bloke at times but he has a serious drink problem and needs sympathy rather than MI6 and the media forever on his case. 'H...
Arthur Pewty, alleged godfather and organised crime kingpin of Neasden this morning made a dramatic doorstep announcement. 'I went on the lash last night, drinking strong continental lager and absinthe from Barcelona. Sadly, things were said which I later came to regret. I accused citizens of the United States of America of lacking a sense of humour. I am so sorry for this incredibly stupid fau...
The US is too much up its own arse to smell the coffee, says Arthur Pewty, gangland organised crime kingpin of Neasden, London, UK. The USA has had its day Pewty claimed. We have to look at things with fresh eyes, and the USA doesn't cut the mustard any more, especially on the interweb, where they regularly refer to people as being fucktards etc. Fucktard is not a proper word, and the Ame...
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