Tara Palmer-Tomkinson - My Fake Diary

Friday, 22 August 2008

8.00 Well, I'm up and raring to go. I'm not too sure where, but at least I'm ready. No one can accuse us IT girls of not being ready to go.

8.30 Breakfast time and a new recipe from my bestest friend Norman Githead, who is London's greatest barman. He serves drinks to people, don't you know. Sprinkled some bran on pickled bread covered in fried margarine. Then covered with Vegamite. Yummy

9.00 Time to trot off to have my eyes measured for glasses, or whatever those eye people do. I'm going to the exclusive Doll and Ache opticians, as I will be modelling their new range of lenses from Blindtwitte. They only cost £2,000 and they're designer made in Taiwan. Wow.

10.15 Must catch a Frappe Latte at Coffeebusters, the new designer coffee house on High Street. Will be meeting my bestest friend Soraya Hopeless. She does Designs for a living. You know, Nigel Designs. They're at it like rabbits.

12.00 Nipped into W H Smith to see if they sell pencils. Haven't a clue what a pencil if for, but my neice, Paula Tamara Palmer-Tomkinson, who is 9 and wants to be a crane driver when she grows up, needs them.

15.00 Phew! Just finished lunch with my bestest friends Laurence Layabout, Jimmy Riddle and Frederika Nohbraine. They are so funny, especially the way they don't know how to hold their cutlery or eat with their mouths closed. And they waste so much food. I was going to put it all in a bag and send it parcel post to Zimbabweyland where they have no food.

17.00 Time for home to watch Countdown. I love that big clock and can always beat it to 30 seconds. I can do the 30 seconds in 27 don't you know. My bestest friend Fran Halfemadde says I should take over from Karl Vaderman who does it now because I add so quickly, especially when I have loads of parcels I have to pay for at Harvard Nicholas where I shop

20.30 Have a very busy day tomorrow so I'm going to bed early. I have given up drink today you see. Just for today that is.

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