Stephen Hawking - My Fake Diary

Friday, 9 July 2010

There seems to be a technical problem with my joystick and keyboard control software. For years it had correctly interpreted my hand and finger movements into words and speech, much like appears here in my diary. Last week however, I unintentionally created a stir among Astronomers and Physicists when I tried to announce my excitement over the discovery of a new Black Hole.

Though I tried to describe the location of the discovery, my technically focused, interpretive software translated what was supposed to be a street location into astrological map coordinates, and the rest of scientific community dove into action to confirm the location of what they assumed to be a new collapsing star.

Before I could get anyone's attention to correct the error, the entire world was busy trying to prove another one of my theories, when all I really wanted to do was announce my love for a local exotic dancer who calls herself "The Black Hole".

She is my collapsing star, able to take her dark and perfectly curved breasts to surround my face and neck. She envelops me, she sucks me in, she is my personal celestial body.

I would really like it if the rest of the world would stop jumping every time something comes out of my mouth, well, my voice interpreter. Mistakes like this would not have happened and I would have had time to explain myself. Now what I really need to do, is add some battery operated attachments to my wheelchair. I'd like to bring as much pleasure to LaShawnta as she brings me.

Shake that junk, baby. Daddy likes.