Santa Claus - My Fake Diary

Saturday, 9 January 2010

Complaint e-mails are coming in by the thousands! Why did we ever set up that stupid e-mail account? I don't know if I am ever listening to those stupid elves again.

I've got mothers complaining that their daughters' Barbie dolls came commando style, without the little panties (which usually get lost the first day anyway). I'm telling them that they were actually Britney Spears dolls to shut them up.

Ever since that faggoty assed Adam Lambert came along, it's now cool for little boys to act gay. We're telling them that their G.I. Joes with kung-fu grip are actually Brigadeer Bruce with limp wrist action to make them happy.

I didn't get a bike, I didn't get a pony, I didn't get.....

Well, I didn't get laid by your mother when she kissed me under the mistletoe, so we're even.

Little bastards. Next year I'll give all of the complainers reindeer shit bricks and tell 'em they're brown legos.