Richard Madeley - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 21 August 2008

9am - Have been up now for over 3 hours reading some boring books Judy wants to recommend on the programme. It's amazing what a 25% cut from the royalty take can do for you.

9.30am - Decided to have breakfast. Have to find out who's sponsoring today's programme so I eat the correctly commissioned (only 20%) food

10.00am - Watched Jeremy Kyle for a few minutes. Wonderful, nial-biting stuff. Had me glued to the telly for quite a time.

10.01am - Changed channel. Had enough of Jeremy Kyle

12.00pm - Met Judy for an early lunch. Punch came along as well and kept hitting me over the head with his truncheon shouting "That's the way to do it".

1.00pm - Into the studio to think up a tiresomely easy question to extricate £1.50 a minute from viewers. Have decided on "What colour is Brown Windsor Soup?" with the choice of answers being a) Brown, b) Yellow or c) Pink. Hopefully enough will enter to make Ofcom really jealous.

3pm - Must go home for a sleep. Have had a very tiring day.

5pm - Judy arrives home and we sit on the sofa drinking champagne and eating Worcester Sauce flavoured crisps

8pm - Dinner with friends at new American restaurant opened down the road called 'Kentucky Fried Chicken'. Not impressed at all with the cutlery, although our friends Mr and Mrs Hoi Wong Too thought the chicken was rubbery.

11pm Home to bed. Ours. Hope no one is already with Judy as I don't want to wake them up when I get in to bed.