Kim Jong Il - My Fake Diary

Friday, 12 January 2007

Kim's diversionary tactics

Current mood: giggly

Category: News and Politics

By Shimon Nathan and Rick March 01/11/07

These are some of the diversionary tactics the north korean government, under the wise leadership of King Jong Il, will take to make sure no one cares about any of their actions.This includes testing a nuclear bomb

- Announce that if foreign troops come close to North Korean soil, Kim Jong Il will eat grape nuts mixed with green tea for all meals till all troops witthdraw

A new sexual pleasure device will be created called the Jong Dong.It will be 4 inches long and greasy but women will be afraid not to fake the orgasm of their lives.

fuck the siesta. How bout a 12 hour happy hour

Announce that at all photo oportunities involving the military and Kim Jong Il, will aslo have Mr T appearing alongside him as well

- Announce that the North Korean National Anthem has been changed to whatever the fuck it was to "Dancin In The Dark", By Bruce Springsteen

- make it required that all employees who answer phones at government buildings should answer the phone this way: "You have reached Starbucks, where we are out of sugar,milk, anything involving bread, or spoons.Other than that how can we help you"

- If there is a immidiate threat to the future of North Korea, have all school children mount a letter writing campaign by writing letters to TBS to replace all viewings of Oceans 12 with episodes of Chips, Get Smart, and Barney Miller

- Change the name of the newspaper to "the horseshit daily"

- Change the image on the flag to the famous one of a naked John Lennon hugging Yoko

- Announce on governmment radio that Kim Jong Il will only Attend a peace conference if they serve Sunny Delight and Kitten as hor' duerves

On his next state visit to Hungary, someone will have to make sure the gulash cant have Paprika or White Pepper or else the north korean navy is going on top alert

During long speaches that are televised, have Rosie O'donell do a 69 with Mrs Kim Jong Il on National TV so people wont focus on the long speach

Nike will create a Kim2 Sneaker, where you will jump but land with no accuracy.

The Parker Brothers Company will release a new version of the game Stratego where there is a Fruitcake dictator and a billion land mines.

Rice-A-Roni will become the national dish served at all North Korean dinners thereby alienating all citizens of San Francisco.

Henri Toulousse Latrec will become the artist in residence in Kim's palace which won't be a problem for the French because they will surrender to North Korea at the request to exhume the artists body.