Jeremy Clarkson - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 2 June 2011

One might think that it would be just fine with other motorists, if they were to haul their oversized caravan through the inner lane of a roundabout when it is painfully clear that the bloated box of plastic and aluminium spills over into the outer lane. No harm done, mate. We'll just wait for you to figure out where you are going and then we will press on, passing you on the straight just as soon as humanly possibly. No wait! Of course, there is too much traffic to pass.

These are the days when I like to bring out the full sized Range Rover, which of course is classified as an off road vehicle, because it will actually leave the road surface while I drive over the top of said caravan, through its modest kitchen and horrifically small bunk beds.

Once through the bloated tin box, though actually modest in square footage, I'll wave to you as I drive by, while you stuff your face with that bag of crisps and your children gaze out the rear window wondering where their sleeping quarters and the sock monkey they called "Binky" have gone.

Happily on my way, consuming every drop of my 13 miles per gallon under heavily acceleration, I shall beat you to your camping destination and take a dump on your pre-paid rental lot number so that you can enjoy my presence even more whilst looking for some sort of tarp to cover the remains of what used to be your bloated tin box.

Suddenly, my weekend outlook has improved as I revel in the fact that I've ruined your motoring weekend just as you have ruined mine.

Happy caravaning!
J