Arsene Wenger - My Fake Diary

Thursday, 5 November 2009

Today is a good day for me and Arsenal football club. We put in a great performance last night, and deserved our win against the AZ of Alkmaar.

We showed great quality, and that is the difference between ourselves and the other team from North London. I am very well aware of what that man who calls himself their manager has been saying about me, but hopefully the authorities will reprimand him and his mouth-piece Venables in the correct way.

To all the men who say my time at the club should have been over by now, I say look at the league table. 6 months ago, they said I could not continue, and they did not bother filling the stands. Now they all cheer for me again. Last season I say the average age of my team is 16 years old, they say you must win the league anyway. I say we are in the top 4 despite not spending any money, they say I have no clue what I do. I say fine you take over the job and see if you can do better, they say no, we prefer to sit on the sideline and laugh at you. I am the one laughing now. Ha.

In this way I feel sorry for my fat friend Rafa Benitez, as after nearly winning the league last year, people too call for his head. I don't think this is right, even though his team plays with no quality, and after 5 years he still struggles with his English. I suppose his degree was in p.e and mine was in economics, so he lacks the quality to learn different languages.

As for Alec Ferguson, who some silly people call Sir Alex, he has managed in England for 20 years and still cannot speak English. That is why I will not respect this man. Mourinho has no quality as a person, but he learnt English in one week.

I will consider Van Persie for the Carling Cup against Man City, so if they play Adebayor, he can stamp on his face while I am looking the other way. I do not what to talk further about that traitor, but I say to him as well, look at the league.

So far so good diary, I will keep you upto date with the latest news when I next get the correct opportunity.

Arsene Wenger (OBE)