WASHINGTON (AP) - White House Security chief Chuck Easley along with 11 subordinates was fired this morning after the entire White House was re-painted last night by intruders without triggering a single alarm.
"The green XMAS Bow they wrapped around the West Wing was the last straw" acting Security Chief Walter Davidson told reporters. Davidson, now assuming the duties of former security chief Easley said,
"It had to be an inside job. It is physically impossible for any intruder to even set FOOT on White House property without multiple high powered long range snipers locking and loading the exact coordinates of the intruder's head in their scopes even in pitch black darkness."
"Decent paint job" one Sherwin Williams representative noted adding,
"They missed a few spots around the edges, eaves and doors but .. decent job given the time they had to paint the entire White House."
Sherwin Willaims owns U.S. patent #392832 for their proprietary exterior paint color "Flamingo Pink" a spectral cross between their exterior shade, "Egg Shell White" and their exterior shade, "OJ Simpson Bloody Bronco Bloody Red".
The White House, completed in 1800 and painted WHITE by French designer, Pierre L'Enfant survived a fire during the war of 1812 and another fire in 1929 when rumor has it that President Herbert Hoover fell asleep while smoking either a Cuban Cigar or as some speculate ..
"It's a shame" CNN news anchors agree, "that the White House survived all those fires over 2 centuries only to be violated and degraded forever by a vandal with a brush and a bucket of Sherwin Williams Flamingo Pink latex."
President Bush when asked by White House security officers if he heard unusual noises outside his window last night said,
"Well. I did kinda hear voices outside the window but I thought it was another one of them dreams where Barney's learned to talk tryin to get me to get up in the middle of the night and play Frisbee-fetch with him. Barney always wants ME to be the one runnin and fetchin I tell Barney NO."
White House security officers having no more questions for President Bush turned their focus on securely purchasing 870,000 gallons of "Egg Shell WHITE" Sherwin Williams latex all-purpose paint and a hiring a few hundred painters to restore the White House to it's original Herbert Hoover days, back when Hoover smoked Cuban Cigars and enjoyed an occasional ..