Written by TM_Dealer
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Robust writer and charismatic rhetorician David Irving has just published some astonishing revisionist historical allegations.

Yes: England's most non-UKIP of Holocaust revisionists now claims that Germany never lost the World Cup in 1966.

Irving does admit that he didn't always think of it this way. However, there was as long, slippery slope, before he finally found 'bullshit at the end of enquiry.'

First of all, Irving thought that the British media were gloating too much about their alleged victory.

Then he started wondering if the camera evidence of the disputed goal was a kind of low-tech videoshopping concocted in a parallel universe by the Uranian Purple Astral Illuminati of Stay-at-Home Brixton Dub Step Amateurs Gay Peruvian Ostrich Nuclear Pin-Making Union Thugs.

And after these gradual, tentative, painstakingly incremental steps towards a revisionist view, Irving ended up completely denying the existence of the German football team, the nation of Germany, Aldi Sauerkraut, the laws of physics and even Desmond Lynham's hairdresser.

Noam Chomsky responds:

I think this is absolute nonsense, but I don't think we should censor this guy. Try giving a more accurate historical account instead.

Or else, just tell him he is a freaky, bigoted, irrationalist asshole, and leave it at that.

I mean, why overcomplicate this stuff? If he really wants to believe in senseless, whackjob garbage like historical revisionism, anti-vaxx, flat earth or non-generative syntax, just let him be a fool. Don't bother trying to educate the uneducatable.

Tanya Cohen was less impressed, and called for all true believers in Our Common Cappucinomanity to conduct a summary extrajudicial Facebook flaming of Chomsky.

When no-one did so, she gave up writing forever, which was no doubt a great loss to the innumerable hordes of bigoted freedom of speech absolutists of the sub-fascistic, tyrannical school of John Stuart Mill.

But on the plus side, Angela Merkel felt that Germany had finally been vindicated for the many accusations made against them.

Ja, stimmt! Now Man can ALL understand that the German Fussball team shall be OVER ALL, for ever!

And I am expecting a very, VERY satisfying Grexit in the next European tournament. This will satisfy Our Common Teutonmanity very, VERY much!

MERKEL, MERKEL, üBER ALLES! DEUTSCHLANDS EISENKANZLERIN!
MERKEL, MERKEL, UBER ALLES! DEUTSCHLANDS EISENKANZLERIN!

But Enda Kenny was somewhat less impressed.

Bejasus! Ya know what, I am just SICK of pompous, arrogant bastards ranting on and on in a language the person listening cannot understand!.

Oh, is that you Mick? Well, just you bugger off and have a grand old Dia Duit there, lad!

Mick's response that Kenny was 'literally worse than Hitler!' fell on dear ears.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

76 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more