Last Emperor Kim Jong Ill issued a statement last night that he was alive and had in fact survived the attack on him last night during a songs of praise broadcast.
Police are puzzled as to who Larry Chukwuemeka actually killed in the massacre.
'It sure looked like Magus Kim,' said an abbatoir worker who carried out the autopsy and did not want to named. 'Larry has disappeared from the church and so have the bulk of the parishioners who seem to vanished into thin air or perhaps into coats. And this writer is wondering out loud if yesterday was either a dream or a Hollywood movie set or a really bad Krocodil trip. Today is August 18th, right?'
I am standing by my earlier made up story that Last Emperor Kim was killed. I will only retract my story if the so called impostor Kim provides a DNA sample which I can match up with a shrunken head that is currently on my desk. And I will gladly give back the head as well.
For more about Kim and the New of The Worlds shutdown see Help Me I Am In An Alien Spacecraft![/strong