Shock French Poll: 70% of Socialists Claim DSK Framed! Only 30% Refuse to be 'Arsed!"

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Thursday, 19 May 2011

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DSK: Going after 'the cheese' Once Too Often!

In a shocking new opinion poll taken in Paris, 57% of respondents think charges of Sodomy against former IMF chief Dominique Strauss-Kahn are contrived, including 70% of those admitting to being Socialists.

DSK, seen as the front runner in the election run up, is now in the center of a massive
'conspiracy' theory allegedly cooked up between President Sarkozy, the US Treasury, Angela Merkel and Gordon Brown, former UK Prime Minister who is said to be 'lusting' for his job.

With today's announcement of his "retirement." IMF watchers say the battle for DSK's job will turn into a 'cock fight' sure to draw blood as contenders fight it out.

"There's plenty more horny bastards out there where he came from,' said a leading female British Barrister, "one can only hope they wind up killing each other so we can get on with business and put a woman with some balls in there!"

While more women are coming out to complain about DSK's unwanted penile pursuits and boorish behaviour, some Frenchmen are claiming 'entrapment!"

"If you put a nice piece of cheese in front of a rat, of course he's going to go for it," said Socialist apologist Pierre LeScrotum, "a man shouldn't be persecuted for reacting to such tempting bait...it's just not the French way!"

"He's got a caveman's mentality when it comes to the opposite sex," said a former co worker. "He has a primal approach to sex...no foreplay, just chase 'em around the room till they get tired and give up...they all surrender in the end...it's a fact of life in France!"

A spokesman for President Sarkozy said the president had warned DSK to tone down his ways while in the USA saying, "what happens in France stays in France, but if you F****around in the colonies you're going to get it shoved up your own Arse!"

'The man is a perpetual 'hard on' " said a former IMF staffer. When you come to work there they tell you, 'never get in a elevator with the man, or you'll be going down...he's got this Star Trek problem...always wanting to go where no man's gone before!"

And this just in:

The French press is announcing that Carla Bruni, wife of Nicolas Sarkozy, is pregnant.
A spokesman for the President neither is confirming or denying the reports, while 98% of the country is taking a 'wait and see' attitude.

"After all,' said a man on the street interrupted while taking the piss, "it could just be a false pregnancy, or a bad case of bloody hemorrhoids....this IS France you know!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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