Piers Morgan On Oprah? "Hey, I'll Screw Anybody Who's Willing to Come on the Show!"

Funny story written by Morse

Friday, 21 January 2011

Journalistic Whore Piers Morgan, recently expelled from his home country, made his debut on US television replacing Larry King, and promptly showed why even his mates were sick of him!

His debut featured TV diva Oprah Winfrey, the incredible shape shifting eating machine and billionaire, who's made her fortune on day time television featuring mundane interviews, psycho babble and weight loss programs that obviously don't work.

Morgan, fired from his journalistic job in Britain for faking stories about Iraq atrocities, and after being exposed to American TV audiences as a judge on a bad reality show, was offered the CNN interview show in keeping with the station's anti-war, progressive platform, and in hopes of elevating sagging ratings as Larry King continued to suffer from the onset of Alzheimer's and increased bizarre sexual activities not limited to any of his current or former wives.

Piers, who is a legend in his own mind, managed to garner over 2 million viewers for his debut, mostly attributed to Oprah's appearance, and not, despite his protestations, to see his own witty, handsome, and irresistible self.

According to Morgan , the show devoting 45 minutes of the hour long program to Oprah's personal recipe for Macaroni 'n Cheese, was a "Big F*****g Hit!"

Pundits were also amazed at Piers' ability to drive Oprah to tears as she related her tale of binge eating which brought her from a size 6 to a size 22, just slightly less than blow up Scientology Poster Girl, Christie Alley.

Insiders involved in the show's booking said Oprah was desperate to appear on TV to counter recent exposes on her sexuality, which ranged from being a closet lesbian, a reformed nymphomaniac, or an asexual amoeba.

While viewers managed to stay tuned for the full hour waiting to hear a startling confession regarding her 'close personal relationship' with her long time female friend, Gale King, in the end it all came to naught.

Piers, who has little regard for the intellectual capacity of his former countrymen, and even less for the Colonists was heard to be talking to his publicist, Max Clifford, by cell phone after the show. According to the report Morgan told Clifford, "I said I'd screw anybody to get them to come on the show, but Oprah was just about close to my limit! I didn't mind tossing her a quick one, but when she wanted to sit on my face I put my foot down....I do have certain standards you know!"

Morgan, who remains single since he hasn't found anybody as beautiful, exciting, charismatic, intellectually stimulating, and narcissistic as himself, said he is looking forward to interviewing Michelle Obama in the coming months but said he didn't think he'd be booking Janet Napalatano, Hillary Clinton, Sonia Sotomayor or Elena Kagon anytime soon.

Caught in an off guarded moment after recovering from his Oprah encounter in his private office with the floor to ceiling mirrors, champagne bar and piped in stereo playing the William Tell overture, Piers was overheard telling his butler, " Hey, I may be a journalistic whore, but even a whore has to have some standards, and besides, even those little blue pills aren't going to help me much when I see those pants suits down around their ankles!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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