Unabomber's House Property For Sale

Written by Bureau

Sunday, 5 December 2010

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The house and property of Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, has been put up for sale over ten years after it's owner was safely locked away for murder.

In case you weren't around, letters and packages loaded with explosives were sent from this residence from 1978 to 1995 by Kaczynski. Despite "Teddy" sending them special delivery, the postal service could never trace them because they were in a thousand pieces by the time they were examined.

The former math teacher lived a secluded life back into the woods in Lincoln, Nebraska with only a dozen or so residences in the area, many as nutty as the Professor.

"I remember our Teddy", stated longtime neighbor Alice Hardin (Big Alice). He was always pretty friendly to me. Of course he shot at you if you came by his place but otherwise, he was a good neighbor."

"I liked Teddy also", stated Burry Manilow. "He was always kidding around with the kids by sending them birthday cards with cherry bombs in them. Ah, they missed him once he was hauled away."

Didn't anyone suspect the man of the crimes?

"Why no!", stated Sam Berkowitz. "Them there post officers were always blowing people away back then. How would we know it was our Teddy what done it?"

"Teddy would let the kids Halloween over there and he would give them walnuts and acorns. He liked it when they blew up his mailbox. We all laughed at that at the Loco Citizens Meetings. That Teddy was a case", continued Big Alice who has been tried and freed for murder five times. "You married?"

This is Tooter Day tooting away back to my desk at The West Coast Post!

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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