Rare Modigliani With Normal Face Nets $69 Million

Funny story written by P.M. Wortham

Wednesday, 3 November 2010


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Though not quite impressionism and not quite realism, Modigliani was better known for his portraits of average people in average situations where heads and faces and features were cleverly but only slightly distorted. Last week however, a rare nude painting from the master with a symmetrical and pleasant face sold for the 69 million sheckles.

Art auction house "Le Cochon Rouge" brokered the sale where the painting went to an unknown private collector. The speculation was that the exorbitant amount was a sign that the overall economy was improving, even if that meant filthy rich bastards were spending money on durable goods and extraneous services once again.

French art critic Eno Armus Bulge says, "It was an important piece, and it deserved to sell for an important price, even though the topic seems to be that of Burlesque. I would have paid less. Anything over $30 Million in U.S. currency was a waste of money". Bulge was seen turning his nose up in the air and grunting, nasally in disgust over the monetary transaction.

"I prefer Modigliani's men with elongated faces, skinny bow ties and tiny features. They remind me of my first lover in so very many ways", says Bulge. "The long walks in the park, his difficulty in finding a chapeau that fit, and a mouth so small, well, let's just say that he could never satisfy me". Reminded that the interview was supposed to be about the painting and the record sale price, Bulge replied, "Yes, the subject offered a hint of excitement and exclusivity, but in the end it was just an average representation of nudity, much like my Jean-Luc in '83".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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