Written by the_sanfelippo

Wednesday, 8 June 2005

image for Conspiracy Theorists In Agreement: Masons Plan On Destroying The Earth With Bricks
A bleak vision of the earth's future if the Masons have their way

For ages conspiracy theorists have pointed fingers at Masons, accusing them of being an evil occult order that seeks world domination and sticks its shadowy fingers into every nook and cranny of the world's governments and finances. But just precisely what the Masons' ultimate goals are, who their leaders are and how they operate has always remained a subject of intense debate, with literally hundreds of books of varying opinion on the subject. Yet now, amazingly, all conspiracy theorists have found something to agree upon.

"The masons are going to bury the planet in bricks!" says Lester Martins, conspiracy theorist and web master of www.whyihatemasons.com

"Everyone had it all wrong for all this time," agrees Ken Murkell, author of Exposing the Masons Volume IX. "Ty Parker author of Exposing the Masons volumes one through eight was of course murdered by the masons, so I had to continue the series for him. But that's besides the point. We now have irrefutable evidence that the Masons are planning to do what should have been obvious all along but wasn't! They're going to rain bricks down on us from the skies! All this time we thought they were searching for the Holy Grail and the Lost Tomes of Alexandria. We always thought eternal life was what they were seeking after, but we were all wrong! Actually they were looking for the secret of eternal bricks! There's an ancient brick making spell. It causes as many bricks as the spellcaster demands to materialize! It originated in Egypt---that's how the pyramids were built. If the Masons ever find that spell, we're all screwed!"
Now that conspiracy theorists have finally discovered the dark secret, disagreement remains over how the Masons will accomplish their nefarious brick-pocalypse.
"There are several ways the spell might be used," says Conspiracy theorist and part-time sorceress Julia Kneeve. "If they just want to get it over with they could invoke the spell and the world will gradually fill up with bricks over a period of about a decade. If they're really as evil as we've always suspected though, they might first turn the oceans into mortar and lay the bricks themselves, destroying the world brick by brick."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Earth, Conspiracy

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
33 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more