Benito Mussolini Exposed as a British Agent

Funny story written by Philbert of Macadamia

Tuesday, 31 August 2010

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Milano Italy: A local history magazine, La Pasta, is claiming that Benito Mussolini was a British agent recruited by MI6 during the early part of the 20th century. Il Duce (the leader) was the Fascist dictator of Italy during WWII.

Mussolini participated in Italian politics between 1900 and 1910. Later in Switzerland/Austria, Mussolini worked writing and editing socialist newspapers. At this time he was recruited by a British Intelligence agent who drank Martinis (shaken not stirred), as a sleeper saboteur.

After serving in WWI Mussolini founded the Italian Fascist Party in 1919 and created a dictatorship in 1922, dissolving parliament and controlling everything. He remained popular for many years because of trying to stimulate a weak economy by expanding government and public works projects.

A people's automobile was developed, but all the models resembled Ferrari, Maserati or Lamborghini sports cars and were too expensive for the average Italian citizen. Since the railroads now ran on time Mussolini "mandated" all Italians must ride the railroads.

In the mid-1930s Mussolini's troops invaded Ethiopia and Albania. Ethiopian forces using spears and clubs nearly beat the Italian mechanized forces. There is some evidence that some small caliber Italian ammunition had been replaced with olive pits. History repeated itself in 1940 when Mussolini's troops invaded Greece and Germany had to bail his meatballs out of the marinara sauce. The British several years later in 1943 finished il Duce's calamari in Africa by routing the Italian troops. Captured Italian soldiers were found wearing winter uniforms and snow boots.

British attacks on the Italian fleet in 1940 at Taranto demonstrated that Italian battleships were missing armor belts for defeating torpedoes. Additionally, Bocce balls were substituted for the ships big gun ammunition. Italy's entire Chianti production was devoted to fueling the Italian Air Force, which may explain the somewhat erratic behavior of some very good airplanes.

The magazine also noted that after WWII broke out in 1939 Mussolini and Prime Minister Winston Churchill secretly met regularly in Majorca Spain for a cappuccino and scones to discuss the war. Each was transported there by submarine, but Mussolini (incognito) also liked to vacation on this Mediterranean island. Il Duce may also have dined on Gazpacho with Spain's Fascist dictator Franco to glean information for the British about German intentions.

Close confidents knew something was wrong with Mussolini early on, as his mistress was a southern Italian woman and he was born in northern Italy. Il Duce ate Spaghetti with ketchup, detested Veal Scaloppini, drank Greek wines, hated opera and eschewed Cannoli for steak and kidney pudding!

When the allies invaded Sicily in 1943, this event was the last straw! Italy's failures in the war and Mussolini's complete lack of interest in Italian culture led to his dismissal from the government by King Victor Emmanuel III in 1943, his later arrest, trial and then relegation to the dust-bin of history.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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