Shakespeare had a problem with his feelings

Funny story written by KendoMonkey

Wednesday, 9 July 2003

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Not Shakespeare

New evidence has emerged from documents found in the British Library, that suggest prolific and brilliant playwright, William Shakespeare was unable to smell very well.

'Old Bill', as he was known back then, was apparently very limited in most of his 'senses', smell being the worst, as he apparently lamented in this extract from a newly discovered sonnet :

"the way my nose is hurting inside me
I call up my strength and shout 'cor blimey!'."

Shakespeare also, a source told us, had terrible trouble hearing and would criticise the performances of his main actors and often beat them. Derek Jacobi's great-great-great-great-grandfather was said to have called Shakespeare an "arse" after he was lambasted during his most excellent portrayal of Hamlet.

However, scholars have hit back at the British Library, saying that the quotes above, obtained from the British Library, are simply made up nonsense.

The evidence itself, they say, is found scribbled in the top corner of an old copy of Romeo and Juliet, and simply reads: "Shakespeare smells bad!".

When approached with this theory, however, the British Library simply scoffed.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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