In a joint proclamation, Judiasm and Christianity today announced the excommunication of Bob Dylan from both sects, based primarily upon his newest album, "Christmas In The Heart."
Speaking for Judiasm, Rabbi Phylo Spektor said, "Although we appreciate Bob's fine abilities as a writer and his fun radio show, his voice has gotten progressively worse through the decades, to the point where he now is fully unintelligible. Just the other day, Rabbi Shmuley and I were trying to listen, and oy, our ears!"
Christianity spokesperson Father Pete O'Fyle was more succinct. "No one wants to hear that crap. Bob needs to give up the ghost, for Christ's sake and everyone else's!"
When reached for comment, Mr. Dylan said, "S'ok. It dzzmtar tme atl. Ahm nrtst."
