October 24th - Apocalypse for Polluters

Funny story written by dgwest7

Wednesday, 23 September 2009

image for October 24th - Apocalypse for Polluters
A drone from the fleet of 'Exterminate Polluters'

The climate emergency will be solved entirely within a few weeks. The 'Exterminate Polluters' organisation will operate during the run up the the International Climate Action day on October 24th this year

The regimes of country saviours like Adolph Hitler and Mao Tse Tung have been examined, and their success has been attributed to the fact that they disposed of all dissenters.

While there is a crowd of three hundred and fifty gatekeepers pissing about trying to get agreement to allow the air to be polluted somewhat by agreement, then there is also a group of people with a modicum of intelligence who know that this is just a silly game.

Therefore, in accordance with the requirements of the 350 org, we are organising an action.

Teams will be despatched to find the source of each major river, and will test the water.

If they find it unpolluted, then the will move downstream until they find polluted water. By backtracking, It will be easy to identify the source of any pollution.

The coordinates of the polluter will be passed to the
"Exterminate Polluters" - project headquarters, and armed drones (see photo) will be despatched. The offending factory will be given telephone, fax and text message warnings, allowing at least 30 minutes to evacuate before the premises are demolished.

A clean up crew will eliminate any remaining pollution, then the team will wait for the water to clear, and move on downstream.

Factory owners will heed the warnings, and hear he news from upstream, so it is expected that all pollution will cease completely, long before the team reaches the mouth of the river.

A second fleet of drones will overfly every major industrial area, and identify any establishment that is polluting the air in any way at all.

After the usual 30 minute warning, the establishment will be destroyed.

All traffic police have been authorised to shoot on the spot any driver found to be driving a polluting vehicle. As this is almost every vehicle on the roads, a special order has been placed for crushing machines to be installed at every road block, and a fleet of electric trucks will cart off the evidence before anyone can examine it, following the precedent set in the aftermath of 9/11. Some drivers will be allowed out of their vehicles before they are crushed, but only of their IQ is above 350.

Doctors who have been prescribing drugs that have ended up polluting the water, will be spared their life, but will have their doctor's authorisations removed. They are obviously insane - what's the point of trying to cure patients who drink and wash in polluted water?

We realise that a considerable amount of noise pollution will be created by the car crushing and the factory destruction, and we apologise for this, but we ask you to bear with us - we think one week will be long enough to entirely remove all human pollution from the planet.

We expect to have the whole thing completed by October 24th, leaving all the bullshit artists with absolutely nothing to talk about. My advice to them is "Don't bother to go. Returning home will be very difficult when all polluting transportation has been crushed."

But then again, people like them are used to things like The Long March! On second thoughts, the walk will do them good, and keep them out of mischief for a few months.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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