MORNINGHEAD, IRELAND - Loyal patrons of Murphy's Pub in Morninghead, Ireland, have nominated "Mr. Potatohead as the next "Saint" of Ireland.
"We took a vote of all the locals and our lad won hands down. The next step is to get Father Martin to petition the church. Father Martin, when presented with the proposal, had this to say.
"For the love of Mike, where would you be gettin' an idea such as that!? He then took pause and said, "Oh, let me think, you've been talking to the Sullivan boys, I expect. A couple of hoodlums, the pair of them, up to no good once again! The whole lot of them, down at Murphy's Pub, ain't worth a pot of beans. It's been nearly a year since the last bit of mischief, so it's about time, and the Sullivan's at the heart of that stunt too!
"I'm glad their dear mother wasn't alive to see that one, God rest her soul".
When asked what the bit of mischief was, he stated, "It happened that a gentleman friend of the Sullivan's, passed away suddenly and somehow at the time of burial, the deceased came up missing. He was found the next morning at Murphy's Pub, sitting straight up in a chair, with a gullet full of beer. His poor widow nearly died from the sight of him. The whole town was drunk for a week and his wife cried her eyes out for near as long". He went on to say that he liked a good "wake" and a "pint" as much as the next gent, but this was too much.
We interviewed several patrons of Murphy's to get their opinions of the nomination.
"Myself, I like Mr. Potatohead for the job, what could be more Irish, he's small and he's a potato, think of him as a modern day Leprechaun.
Harry Allen, (local British eccentric) said, "He's a pleasant enough chap, Mr. Head, and the people seem to need a new saint, now and again. I'm a Protestant, but I would support the nomination. Nice to keep the natives happy, you know".
"We put up with him, ‘cause he's good for a pint", Patrick Sullivan whispered.
We found only one, negative response, at Murphy's Pub, "They all must have heads as thick as that to come up with such a thing", one gentleman said, while pointing to a very large tree outside.
So, for most of the patrons at Murphy's Pub, the vote is in, with or without Father Martin's approval, Mr. Potatohead is now St. Potatohead.
