Written by Asheville Jack

Monday, 31 August 2009

image for The True Cause of Global Warming
Although they look innocent enought, these useless creature are the cause of global warming

New York - Scientist at the Institute of Molecular Weather Research in Riyadh, Saudi Arabia believe they have pinpointed the root cause of Global Warming. The comprehensive seven week study of global weather patterns utilizing dozens of data points were then analyzed by a crack team of weather interested people.

Dr. Phillip Morrist, head research scientist for Exxon Mobil, lead the team which consisted of Exxon Mobil Corporation mid-level managers and on vacation Wall Street stockholders. Dr. Morrist gained fame as the world renowned distinguished scientist who previously spearheaded the tobacco industries research into the health benefits of smoking, and as such brought with him over thirty years of laboratory experience.

The Institute of Molecular Weather Research, which is funded by the Saudi royal family and is scheduled to begin operations next spring, was rented by Exxon Mobile so they could conduct the study under the strictest of scientific conditions away from the meddling eyes of the world.

Said Dr. Morrist, "When conducting rigid scientific research it's best not to be bothered unnecessary. It was under these strict laboratory and scientific conditions that we were finally able to pinpoint the cause of Global Warming." Dr. Morrist then dramatically held up for all to see a large black body bag..

"In this bag," said Dr. Morrist, "I hold the key to ending all Global Warming fears." With a nod of his head three assistants opened the body bag and spread the contents on a table before the assembled world press.

"It's a bear skin. A polar bear skin to be exact. Beautiful isn't it? Our research shows that Polar bears are the most significant factor in producing Global Warming. It seems that wherever Polar bear congregate that the ambient air temperature shows the most dramatic increase. And Polar bears, as you are aware, don't live in the temperate zones around the equator, which show almost no increase in temperature."

Pointing to a large map on the wall Dr Morrist said, "See here, in the Arctic and at the Antarctic the temperatures increased have been the highest. These findings definitively proves that Polar bear are responsible for this increase. Case closed, and open season! And although we haven't been able to account for the fact that Polar bears live only in the northern hemisphere we'll come up with a scientific justification for that discrepancy sometime in the future, you can your bottom dollar bet on that."

"In the meantime," said Dr. Morrist as he pointed to the vast desert dunes outside the windows of the institute, "enjoy your stay here in beautiful Saudi Arabia. And remember, Exxon Mobil research now proves that Polar bears are the cause Global Warning."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Topics: Global Warming

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
81 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more