Swine Flu From Rendering Hog Fat?

Funny story written by Bureau

Tuesday, 28 April 2009

image for Swine Flu From Rendering Hog Fat?
"Swine Flu Quarantine Sticker"

The International Monetary Fund, who have their noses stuck up everyone's behind of late, predicts a shrinking world economy over the next few years. This troubling news has sent the price of lard and hardtack futures skyrocketing.

A special session of cabinet members met with President Barack Obama yesterday to discuss the Swine Flu outbreak and received the above message from the IMF.

When this was finally passed on to the World Health Organization, the WHO quickly came to the conclusion that many farmers had decided to kill their hogs and render all the fat they could in case of the possible second Great Depression or even a first Greater Depression, being just over the horizon.

Accompanied by a regular flu outbreak in southern Mexico where farmers were rendering their hearts out, the lard could easily be behind the current Swine Flu outbreak.

Then, the International Monetary Fund announced this morning its prediction that the entire world economy would shrink by 10% in 2009. This would be the worst world downturn since World War II.

Why the IMF should have predicted anything is beginning to stress out many politicians as well as public health workers.

"If that 'so & so' IMF would keep their mouths shut, this whole outbreak could have been avoided", stated the U.S. Surgeon General Gupta Sanjay.

At this harsh IMF economic news certain stocks began to skyrocket. Hardtack and dried bean futures, overall producers of lard and other products associated with economic hardship were seeing excellent gains. Then lard took a nose dive after being connected to the Swine Flu.

"We blame the loss of money on our lard recommendation yesterday entirely at the feet of the World Health Organization who started all this false information about it causing the Swine Flu", stated WHO spokesman, Peter Townshend.

Meanwhile, caught in the middle are restaurants like McDonalds, KFC, Hardees, etc. which had said they quit using lard years ago but were in a hurry to order more corn oil, canola oil and others from the Exxon Mobile people.

Today the IMF recommended investing in all oil companies as well as producers of anti-depressants like Xanax, Paxil, Prozac, and Zoloft.

Just in: A firefight has began between the IMF and WHO with both agencies saying the other one started it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more