The Taliban Bans Everything

Written by rfreed

Wednesday, 1 April 2009


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This Impudent Young Woman Is Asking For A Good Stoning!!!

The Taliban, tired of constantly coming up with new edicts regarding the behavior of the people they dominate, have passed an all-encompassing law that simply bans everything.

Having made a reputation as being a severely authoritarian and strict power the Taliban is intolerant of anything non-Muslim except Yankee dollars. Taking an extremely repressive form of Islam as it's law, the Taliban has outlawed many of the normal conventions of a society- music, kite flying, women showing any skin other than their hands, shaving, movies, walking with an unrelated person of the opposite sex,women working, television, and just about anything that could possibly give a person a moment's freedom or joy. To be fair, they do allow people such freedoms as eating, drinking, sleeping and going to the toilet, but these are under fierce debate and could be rescinded at any time.

"It just simplifies everything." explained Sheik Alli Blohard, local Taliban ombudsman. "When everything is banned, then there is no guesswork or grey zone. The person is simply guilty and can be prosecuted with much less effort on our part. Speaking of which, it is forbidden by death to take interviews. You will need to be stoned when it is finished."

Yours truly tried to keep the interview going as long as possible, but Blohard got wise to it and had me dragged to the stadium for execution. Whereas previously executions were staged at the half-time of football games, all sports are now outlawed and all the athletes have been slaughtered so the main show is now the assassinations themselves.

This will apparently be my last report. I am texting this as they bury me up to my waist as is the tradition for stoning in Afghanistan. I, along with a man they caught whistling and a woman they caught breathing will be executed together. I regret that I only have one life to give for my blog.





The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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